No Good

Wow! It has been quite some time since my last post. I keep thinking that perhaps wise and godly "strategizing" can change "psycho" families into "whole" families. I keep wanting to write as an expert who has life-changing wisdom to speak. Instead, I remain a simple christian who loves Jesus and simply writes for decades about situations that do not resolve but Scriptures continue to direct me in ways traditional Christianity remains silent.

So... why write? Again, I must state that I share these verses to you as a fellow struggler NOT as an expert. Please consider each post prayerfully and with good, reliable counsel.

Galations 3:17, 9b

"These people are zealous to win you over, but for no good.
What they want is to
-- alienate you from us
-- so you will be zealous for them... Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?"

Thoughts:

After many years of silence, the estrangement battle wages on. The choice is mine:  recant and reenter the fold OR continued estrangement with increasing slander. Coming across this verse, I must ask myself these questions:

• What is their purpose in "winning me over": God's glory or personal vindication? ("... zealous to win you over, but for no good...")
• Does my communion with them significant limit my communion with other godly, trustworthy allies and/or those to whom I'm called to serve? ("What they want is to alienate you from us ...")
• Are they calling me back into communion or zealous commitment? ("... so you will be zealous for them...")
• Are there relational strings attached that will enslave me? ("Do you wish to be enslave by them all over again?")

How painful to answer all these negatively but how helpful to have a verse so clear. I pray that as you wrestle with guilt, sorrow, and rage over these questions, that the Lord will give you clarity and rest. May you trust Him to ease the intensely negative feelings and to walk with Him on a less traveled path.

Prayer:

Lord, we do not want to be enslaved. We do not want to be angry or sad or guilty. The path you have for us is confusing and seems, at times, to be directionless. Help us to be be faithful. Give us peace when we do not know where we are going but we know where we should not be going. Help us trust you more and know you more. Remind us that our faithful journey is what you desire ... not a specific destination. You are God. Your plan is good and will be accomplished ... despite us ... despite others. Thank you that we can trust you. Amen.

"Come, follow me!"

Sometimes following means leaving.

Bible Passage: Mark 1:16-20

¹⁶As Jesus walked beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. ¹⁷"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." ¹⁸At once they left their nets and followed him.
 ¹⁹When he had gone a little farther, he saw James son of Zebedee and his brother John in a boat, preparing their nets. ²⁰Without delay he called them, and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired men and followed him.

Reflections:
It has been some time since I've blogged. It seems to be one of those things that come in spurts. I find myself frequently on a pendulum between the extremes of living in my present calling and living out of a painful background and story from which Jesus has plucked me. My analysis is that if I were spending to much time in either, it could be an indication that I am living inauthentically (burying down painful parts that have contributed to my passion for those hurting as well as my passion for my Lord) or that I could be churning in bitterness or unforgiveness (if my difficult family situation is the sum of all I fixate). Flared situations have caused me to reflect a bit more. I share those reflections with you.

Again, I ask myself. What is my calling?? Am I following Jesus in his specific calling for me or am I fleeing my family responsibilities? Is there Biblical precedent to allow for this choice or am a hypocrite, taking the "easy way out"?

How interesting to consider Jesus' calling of the disciples. He called them away from their families. They left their comforts, their occupations, their safety and their families. But ... they left with purpose.

Prayer:
Lord, it seems you continue to barricade the door of reentry with my family with increasingly more barriers ... bigger and stronger and more in number. You have opened other doors that I have walked through in faithful devotion to you.

Help me to bear the real and imagined "voices" that scream "hypocrite". Allow me to walk in faithfulness to you. Please help those behind those barricades that I have been most severely unsuccessful at helping. Bring others to comfort them or reopen ways for me.

Keep me from anger and hurt. Remind me that all changes or lack of changes are from you alone and not because of my righteousness or my wickedness. That being said, sanctify me increasingly more for your glory to shine through me and ease the suffering of others.

For Jesus' name sake! Amen

O Come, Let Us Adore Him!

Christmas can be a schizophrenic time for a griever. On the one hand, the reality of God coming for us can be so meaningful. On the other hand, it is often a time for vacant places to be highlighted or strained relationships to be exacerbated.

This month in my family, there has been a death, several wounds, and sad vacancies leading me to ask the question, "What is the point? Christmas is painful."

By God's grace, I arose from my "poor-me" few weeks, and put on a Christmas CD. One of the first songs on it was "O Come, All Ye Faithful". It was so perfectly timely. What a fantastic reminder that Christmas is not about family and fun, as wonderful as those things can be. It is not about vacancies. It is not about our mother or father or cousin or sister or husband or children. It is about God.

God came! When we sought him not, God came! When we cared not, God came! When coming meant death, God came! When His coming was meek and unnoticeable, God came!

Can we spend one moment, leaving our own self-pity and relational wishes to adore our Lord? Or, shall we mope in the unknown of delayed and/or strained human relationships? Can we honor and trust our God who, for us, sacrificed everything and demonstrated an abundant plan of loving pursuit for us? Or, will we spit at this gift wishing instead His plan involved a quicker resolution of its minor characters?

O COME! Let us adore him! Let us come despite relational losses. Let us come despite our deficiencies because in HIS coming, he provided the way for us "to approach [his] throne of grace with confidence. (Hebrews 4)"

Prayer
O Lord, shift our perspective to you! Thank you for coming to save us. Life can be oppressive at times, but help us enter your sanctuary for true rest (Psalm 73). Thank you for being both our rock to turn to and our aid in turning. You truly are our Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9)!

Because of you, O Lord, we adore you! Because of you, O Lord, we praise you! We come, O Lord, to praise you... CHRIST THE LORD!

The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.

Christmas is the perfect time of year to stand with Jesus, knowing full well that our God is not merely skilled at empathy but has endured pain... by us... for us.

Scripture Reference:
John 1:11 "He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him."

Reflection:
Christmas is the perfect time of year to stand with Jesus, knowing full well that our God "had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people" (Hebrews 2:17).

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin." (Hebrews 4:15)

Our God became a man well acquainted with sorrow and abandonment. Though he made the world and loved the world, they rejected him. He sacrificed all he was and they did not recognize it. They would not recognize him. They did not receive him.

Mistaken and rejected friends, let us cling to our mistaken and rejected Savior...

 ⁶Who, being in very nature God,
      did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

 ⁷but made himself nothing,
      taking the very nature of a servant,
      being made in human likeness.
 ⁸And being found in appearance as a man,
      he humbled himself
      and became obedient to death—
         even death on a cross!(Philippians 2)

His rejection, he foreknew. His rejection, he accepted. His rejection, he chose... FOR US. He knows the hurt. He lived the pain. He stands beside us now in full experiential awareness of us. Yet friends, his hurt not only allows him to identify but also enables him to save.

As we continue reading John 1, we see God's power. Even in his rejection, he was unfolding his plan. 

¹⁰He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. ¹¹He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. ¹²Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— ¹³children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.

We may stand rejected by others. But, we have not been rejected by God. Even our small and irradic choices to stand with him are based on his choice. His rejection enabled his acceptance.

Do I define myself as one rejected by many or do I define myself as chosen by God? Do I live as one shunned by some or as one called to give to others?

Prayer:
Lord, thank you that you know how I feel... not because you are merely skilled at empathy but because you have felt this hurt too. How amazing to think you CHOSE to hurt this way! How amazing to think you allowed yourself to be rejected so you could rescue me.

Please keep me from placing my value on the fact that I am worthless to some. Instead, help me to feel valued by you, the all-powerful God of the universe. Impress on me the wonder that you would endure so horrendous an experience to get me.

Thank you for coming to save me. Thank you for coming to relate with me and my experiences. Thank you for modeling an ability to endure with compassion and integrity. Help me to live out of your compassion as I endure my rejection.

Help me to "fix [my] eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of [my] faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrew 12:2). I'm not exactly sure, Lord, WHY I am your joy (or why I'm not others') but help me to live in what I am!

An Anniversary Moment

'Twas dark as weary traveler descended down the path...
The path that once held visions of light now a murky, foggy bath.

Forsaken and abandoned... forgotten, abused, forlorn...
Pushed and lectured, preached and prodded, not heard... just merely scorned.

By past rejected and present worked ... requiring more than could
This weary traveler drags a foot to unknown rest for soul.

O Lord our God, You see through fog; would you oasis make?
With lack of resource yet needs galore, i trudge for Jesus' sake.

Discouraged with my progress, saddened by my loss,
Frustrated with the prodding, distraught by heavy cross.

But here along this journey, though i have but only you,
Tis more than all sufficient, for me your plan to do.

Bring sustaining comfort to complete another day
So different from my ideal visions and others' for my way.

Though shame around me rages from without and from within...
Give me the graceful confidence to walk in Jesus' win.

In this quiet moment, grant me peace to calm the storm
I cling to you, my Savior... no mirage... but real in form!