Oil and Water Don't Mix - Part 3: Soap: Breaks it Down

Soap has the ability to break connections, destroy unions, and loosen the strength of natural bonds. Its purpose? ...to force the integration of separate entities.

Do we desire this in the church? Are we willing to make difficult choices to protect the body from those that would weaken it?

Reflection -
Soap has characteristics of both water and oil. Chemically speaking, soap is long nonpolar chain (an oil-soluble “tail”) with a small polar end (a water soluable “head”). As chemistry.com summarizes, “soap is an excellent cleaner... while oil (which attracts dirt) doesn’t naturally mix with water, soap can suspend oil/dirt in such a way that it can be removed.”

In our analogy here, those who love the Lord, refusing to live “charged lives” are oil. Our naturally sinful world is water/ water-soluble. It’s interesting to consider the easiest substance to breakdown other substances is something with the characteristics of each. It’s also interesting to note that it primarily dissolves the OIL into the water not the other way around. It “sneakingly” separates and suspends the oil in an environment it would not otherwise engage.

Luke 12:1 “Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees which is hypocrisy”

1 Corinthians 5:7-8 “Don’t you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast-as you really are.”

It seems that Jesus speaks the harshest with regards to strongly assimilated yet insincere members of the body. It seems they are the most destructive and deceitfully damaging. Catching others unaware, they naturally engaging the christian community and pull them into the proximity of evil (themselves). Which is more dangerous is debatable ... their example or their nature. The result is the same, “a little yeast works through a whole batch.”

Prayer -
Lord, keep our eyes open. Keep us kind yet clear. Help us to be aware when a brother/ sister needs our restorative care and when they are in a “yeast-like-state.” Help us to respond in thought and actions in ways that their “sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.” Give us wisdom as we interpret “you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat” (1 Cor 5:11). Allow us to protect the purity of the church while not becoming pharisaical ourselves ... become the very nature we are condemning. Keep us humble but bold... bold enough to be misunderstood... humble enough to live in full recognition of our utter brokenness and reliance of Your grace and mercy for both our salvation and sanctification. Where boundaries must be drawn, make us ever mindful they are not for the purpose of punishment but for their “spirit to be saved.” As within our power, give us the strength and wisdom to support and assist our broken “brother.


AS AN INTERESTING SIDE-NOTE...

Matthew 5:13 “...salt losses its saltiness...” (or shall we say, “oil looses its oil-iness”) is a passage immediately following discussions about enemies. It seems we need to be so careful not to change the nature of who we are in our interactions with enemies. In our response to evil, we need to be ever mindful, prayerful and humble before the Lord.

Oil and Water Don't Mix - Part 2: Oil is less common... an irritant... a stain

Stain: “a discoloration produced by foreign matter having penetrated into or chemically reacted with a material; a spot not easily removed.” (Dictionary.com)

“Stain” is usually a negative word. But... depends on the perspective. Is the “stain” & irritation we have left the result of penetrating a fallen condition with the bold love of God?

Reflection -
I was thinking about oil. It sure can be a nuisance. It can be one of the most difficult things to clean... at times ... virtually impossible.

That can be an encouragement if you continue my little parable of oil and water. Those choosing to live lives free from shifting-exterior-alternating-charges are oil. Others are water or water-soluble.

Most of life is water soluble so oil is an irritant. It makes “things” messy. Its nature forces separations. It stains. Even doing nothing, it’s very existence disturbs the natural order of the water-soluble world.

Jesus warns, “Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division” (Luke 12:51).

Here is my parabolic picture. Jesus has come dropping oil into a water-soluble world. It causes separations. It also causes stains.

God made me oil. I can rest that the divisions that were caused, are not necessarily my fault. God has made the environment for this to happen not because of a wrong on my part but possibly because of correctly living in my nature.

Also, I can also rest knowing I leave a stain in my absence. The gospel is powerful. God’s nature in us leaves a mark. Even if I am prevented from returning to a relationship, our “skid-mark” will remain. What God will do with it, is His knowledge alone.

Self-reflection question:
•Is my godly nature leaving a mark (in which case it is different and will leave a mark)? Or, am I simply leaving a bitter mark of my sinful nature (which only adds to the presence of sinful nature already present)? (As a gross aside: I chose the word "skid mark" on purpose: we could be leaving a tire mark as we "brake" bad habits or we could be leaving crap.)

Prayer -
Lord, help me to trust you with my personality. Help me to not diffuse who you made me to be to accommodate everyone and everything. Instead, help me to trust you when divisions are caused... knowing you have a good plan and that my presence was purposeful. At the same time, help me not to use this as an accuse to be cavalier and unthoughtful. Help me to leave marks of YOU when divisions are caused, not marks of my own sinfulness. On the flip side again Lord, divisions that are caused do not leave pleasant feelings on either side. And, I am imperfect Lord. Help me to trust you then with my personality but also with my failures. Help me not to live life paralyzed by over-analysis but to move forward with You, my Savior.

Oil and Water Don't Mix - Part 1: Charges in the Water

God created oil and water... two substances that do not mix together into integrated solutions. This is in their inherent, God-ordained nature.

Reflection -
Why don’t oil and water mix?

I was contemplating the chemistry behind the water-oil separation. If there ARE reasons, could they be related in a parable-like way to relationships. It’s not fool-proof but is an interesting analogy when considering the possibility that not relationships are intended to coexist intertwined.

Let’s briefly mention the chemistry involved. Water molecules are polar and oil molecules are nonpolar. Simply put, water molecules have different charges on its exterior allowing it to clump together in a magnetic-like way. Oil molecules do not. They are “even-stephen”. So... here’s what happens... when you combine water and oil molecules, the water clumps together ... leaving out the oil to mix randomly with itself.

Polar: +- (2 opposite parts)
Nonpolar: ++ (both parts the same)

Could it be that some people have “exposed charges”? Wounds, feelings, attitudes, actions, etc have a way of clumping them with others of similar “charges” effectively repelling others who refuse to live similarly.

This could take various forms. For one person, their pain could lead them to an addiction that seeks companions with similar addictions. For example, a drug addict surrounding herself in an drug-accessible environment.

For another person, their pain could lead them to lash out in ways that others need to shift to absorb and deflect. For example, an abusive person is typically surrounded by others who live “on tip-toes” ready to morph into the person that will diffuse the person/ situation.

In both cases, it is the “charged person” who choses to clump with accommodating others... effectively banishing anyone who is not willing to become one of the “groupies”.

In the first case of addiction, banishment is a result if this lifestyle is uncompromisingly pursued. As banished observers, we need to prayerfully consider if we have pursued the addict and tried to rescue and if there are additional ways to try. We also need to prayerfully consider our role and mission in the situation. But we need to be able to rest in the fact that “Salvation is the Lord’s”... the more determined the addict is, the more separate our position will be.

In the second case of abuse, banishment is a result as well but looks far different. In chemistry, water clumps as opposite charges line up and attract. An abuser often leads a bit of schizophrenic lifestyle... alternating between times of calm and times of violence. Victims surrounding the abuser shift and alter their makeup as well to mix well. It’s like a well-orchestrated dance where abuser and victim step in ways to “line-up”. Abuser, of-course, is lead. If a participant does not shift when abuser shift, this will break the synchronized dance. If others continue to “keep step” the dance will continue and the non-shifting member will be ostracized.
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ATTRACTION (opposite charges attract):

Their is a danger in this second case, however. Let’s consider chemistry again. Imagine an abuser as such...

Abuser/ Polar: +-

An environment that would reflect the abuser would be alternate between...

+- +- (abuser and victim perfectly aligned)

AND

-+ -+ (as abuser "flips" so does the victim)

Everyone lining up “appropriately” as abuser shifts and morphs.
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REPULSION (similar charges repel):

What we need to guard against is the tendency to do this...

-+ +- (as abuser "flips" ... other person CAN but REFUSES to flip)

Notice, how we have not changed at all. We have chosen to stubbornly “stand our ground” and not accommodate the accuser but still have these tendencies within ourselves. This will cause us to separate from one abuser but sadly we allow us to either become one ourselves or enter another abusive relationship.


Instead, the “banishment” from an abusive relationship must be the result of a healing of the extremes in our own make-up. We need to look like...

-+ ++ (as abuser "flips" ... other person, even "flipped", will be identical)

The resulting clashes from our “colliding charges” are not therefore the result of a stubborn, bitter, hard-headedness or lack of forgiveness. Instead, they are a result of a healing from the schizophrenic compromises we have witnessed and become. It is our healing and internal unification that alienates us.
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Often, we are told that as healed christians, we should be able to enter any situation and family relationship with kindness and grace to bring healing and hope. I do not think this is true. Sometimes, our refusal to morph into the role we have previously held is so alarming and offensive, others cling all the tighter to each other and we are abandoned. We then are confronted with a choice. Do we wish to continue to repeatedly change around the whims of another? Or, do we wish to remain as a bold irritant constantly disrupting the solution? Or, are the bonds so tight that their is forced separation?

Again, before the Lord we must ask if we are doing this from a place of healing or stubborn pain. We also must consider our role and calling.

Prayer -
Lord, we are lonely! How frustrating is our inability! We cannot free some trapped in addiction. We cannot bring stability and grace to abuse. We hope and love yet appear alone and outcasted. We want to change things so the good person we are at times and the compassion we long to bring can be acknowledged and received. Instead, we are shunned by those we long to relationally embrace and are misunderstood by many as “cop outs” or bitter. Would you heal us! Continue to make our banishment one of internal wholeness not external aggression. Increase our kindness despite the affrontive and/ or unresponsive way we aline with others. Give us wisdom how to proceed in these area of clear confrontation. Help us traverse these lonely roads with these baby skills we were raised without. Oh Lord, be companion and guide. Remind us who we are and whose we are.