O Come, Let Us Adore Him!

Christmas can be a schizophrenic time for a griever. On the one hand, the reality of God coming for us can be so meaningful. On the other hand, it is often a time for vacant places to be highlighted or strained relationships to be exacerbated.

This month in my family, there has been a death, several wounds, and sad vacancies leading me to ask the question, "What is the point? Christmas is painful."

By God's grace, I arose from my "poor-me" few weeks, and put on a Christmas CD. One of the first songs on it was "O Come, All Ye Faithful". It was so perfectly timely. What a fantastic reminder that Christmas is not about family and fun, as wonderful as those things can be. It is not about vacancies. It is not about our mother or father or cousin or sister or husband or children. It is about God.

God came! When we sought him not, God came! When we cared not, God came! When coming meant death, God came! When His coming was meek and unnoticeable, God came!

Can we spend one moment, leaving our own self-pity and relational wishes to adore our Lord? Or, shall we mope in the unknown of delayed and/or strained human relationships? Can we honor and trust our God who, for us, sacrificed everything and demonstrated an abundant plan of loving pursuit for us? Or, will we spit at this gift wishing instead His plan involved a quicker resolution of its minor characters?

O COME! Let us adore him! Let us come despite relational losses. Let us come despite our deficiencies because in HIS coming, he provided the way for us "to approach [his] throne of grace with confidence. (Hebrews 4)"

Prayer
O Lord, shift our perspective to you! Thank you for coming to save us. Life can be oppressive at times, but help us enter your sanctuary for true rest (Psalm 73). Thank you for being both our rock to turn to and our aid in turning. You truly are our Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9)!

Because of you, O Lord, we adore you! Because of you, O Lord, we praise you! We come, O Lord, to praise you... CHRIST THE LORD!

The Word became flesh and dwelt among us.

Christmas is the perfect time of year to stand with Jesus, knowing full well that our God is not merely skilled at empathy but has endured pain... by us... for us.

Scripture Reference:
John 1:11 "He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him."

Reflection:
Christmas is the perfect time of year to stand with Jesus, knowing full well that our God "had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people" (Hebrews 2:17).

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin." (Hebrews 4:15)

Our God became a man well acquainted with sorrow and abandonment. Though he made the world and loved the world, they rejected him. He sacrificed all he was and they did not recognize it. They would not recognize him. They did not receive him.

Mistaken and rejected friends, let us cling to our mistaken and rejected Savior...

 ⁶Who, being in very nature God,
      did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

 ⁷but made himself nothing,
      taking the very nature of a servant,
      being made in human likeness.
 ⁸And being found in appearance as a man,
      he humbled himself
      and became obedient to death—
         even death on a cross!(Philippians 2)

His rejection, he foreknew. His rejection, he accepted. His rejection, he chose... FOR US. He knows the hurt. He lived the pain. He stands beside us now in full experiential awareness of us. Yet friends, his hurt not only allows him to identify but also enables him to save.

As we continue reading John 1, we see God's power. Even in his rejection, he was unfolding his plan. 

¹⁰He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. ¹¹He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. ¹²Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— ¹³children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.

We may stand rejected by others. But, we have not been rejected by God. Even our small and irradic choices to stand with him are based on his choice. His rejection enabled his acceptance.

Do I define myself as one rejected by many or do I define myself as chosen by God? Do I live as one shunned by some or as one called to give to others?

Prayer:
Lord, thank you that you know how I feel... not because you are merely skilled at empathy but because you have felt this hurt too. How amazing to think you CHOSE to hurt this way! How amazing to think you allowed yourself to be rejected so you could rescue me.

Please keep me from placing my value on the fact that I am worthless to some. Instead, help me to feel valued by you, the all-powerful God of the universe. Impress on me the wonder that you would endure so horrendous an experience to get me.

Thank you for coming to save me. Thank you for coming to relate with me and my experiences. Thank you for modeling an ability to endure with compassion and integrity. Help me to live out of your compassion as I endure my rejection.

Help me to "fix [my] eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of [my] faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrew 12:2). I'm not exactly sure, Lord, WHY I am your joy (or why I'm not others') but help me to live in what I am!

An Anniversary Moment

'Twas dark as weary traveler descended down the path...
The path that once held visions of light now a murky, foggy bath.

Forsaken and abandoned... forgotten, abused, forlorn...
Pushed and lectured, preached and prodded, not heard... just merely scorned.

By past rejected and present worked ... requiring more than could
This weary traveler drags a foot to unknown rest for soul.

O Lord our God, You see through fog; would you oasis make?
With lack of resource yet needs galore, i trudge for Jesus' sake.

Discouraged with my progress, saddened by my loss,
Frustrated with the prodding, distraught by heavy cross.

But here along this journey, though i have but only you,
Tis more than all sufficient, for me your plan to do.

Bring sustaining comfort to complete another day
So different from my ideal visions and others' for my way.

Though shame around me rages from without and from within...
Give me the graceful confidence to walk in Jesus' win.

In this quiet moment, grant me peace to calm the storm
I cling to you, my Savior... no mirage... but real in form!

Veterans Day 2009

The Yellow Ribbon by JR for S, J, H and their dear families that stand by their sides

Though no one in my home be found in military shroud,
A yellow ribbon did adorn my tree on my front ground.

And, wind and weather did abuse this display I'd made.
Time took its toll as dirt and grime grew steadily in its shade.

The months flew past for me but yet my ribbon showed great wear.
My months well-sheltered did not show the scars my ribbon did bear.

The day arrived, the soldier returned and the ribbon brought inside.
Now what to do with this battered display? Its weathering was its pride.

O, soldier, you are here now ... weary in unknown ways.
You bear a toil and with great cost, our safety you have paid.

Thank you for fighting bravely ... enduring untold weights.
Your sacrificial labor is honored more than we can state.

--
Thank you!! With much love and thankfulness, JR

Paul and Barnabas

A relational split does not necessarily destine the church to decline but could be the very thing to disperse resources and enhance the kingdom.

Biblical Reference: Acts 15

Biblical Summary: Paul and Barnabas are effective and powerful co-ministers of the gospel. Because of a disagreement, they part ways.

Reflections -

Paul and Barnabas were a powerful pair. Acts 15 begins with the Council at Jerusalem where Paul and Barnabas teamed together to teach the whole assembly. "The whole assembly became silent as they listened to Barnabas and Paul telling about the miraculous signs and wonders God had done among the Gentiles through them" (v 12). Their testimonies lead to a radical change in the church's treatment of gentiles.

In light of this crescendo, I find the end of the chapter so intriguing. Together, they have labored. Together, they've ministered to the Gentiles with astounding results. Together, they've changed the Jewish Christian's legalistic bent thus unifying the church and assisting the Gentiles further. Then, after uniting the church, "they have such a sharp disagreement that they parted company" (v 39).

How ironic that the argument was over another severed relationship (Mark). Have you found seen or experienced the same? Feelings about a given (or the mere topic of) estrangement can be so strong, further estrangements occur.

It is so good to realize the power of our God. He even uses relational separations to strengthen his church. Barnabas ministers in Cyprus. Paul ministers "through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches" (v 41). What could have been a tragedy of struggling leaders and church splits, instead strengthened the church as these two strong leaders double the gospel exposure. In fact, the reality is that the effect was exponential as both Paul and Barnabas took another companion.

It's good to read passages like 1 Cor 9:6 or Col 4:10 where Paul refers to Barnabas in his letters without regard to their differences. Their differences caused them to part ways but was not used to divide the church... just multiply the work.

Prayer -

Lord, thank you that you use anything and everything to strengthen your church. Help us to live lives following our calling and not justifying our separations.

Where we have separated from relationships in the church, help us to trust you despite our differences in conviction. Help us to rejoice in people touched by the gospel -- even through one who has wounded us! (Philippians 1:18) Help us to realize your gospel is bigger than Satan's schemes or people's faults. (Romans 8)

Where we have separated from relationships outside the church, we pray for ministry to that person or those people. Our inability to change things is so frustrating! But, you are the God that owns it all... the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalm 50:10). All resources belong to you to distribute. Though we are not ministering into those relationships, provide another!

Help our separations further your church instead of forcing divisions in the church. Help us to promote You and not ourselves. Keep us from hypocrisy. Enlarge our hearts for you and for those with whom we no longer relate. To you be the glory forever, Amen.

Calm and Crush!?!

We often categorize traits into two distinct camps. In one, we lump anger, aggression, justice, and lack of control. In the other, we lump peace, mercy, grace, and self-control. However, our God is a God that often combines seemingly opposite characteristics.

Biblical Passage: Romans 16: 20 "The God of Peace will soon crush Satan under your feet."

Biblical Context: Paul is finishing the book of Romans with his final remarks.

Reflections -
I love this verse. God is both the God of Peace and the Righter of Wrongs. In this we can clearly see how defining peace as "the state prevailing during the absence of war" is a limited definition... applicable in some contexts but certainly not all. Likewise, the definition of peace as "harmonious relations; freedom from disputes" is limited as "crushing Satan" is certainly not living harmonious.

It seems that those engaged in conflict often wrestle with the righteousness of their calling. On the one hand, it seems logical to fight as a soldier or address wickedness as a christian. On the other hand, the church often preaches our need to love, forgive, and show mercy.

One definition of peace I like is, "the absence of mental stress and anxiety". I like this definition coupled with another definition of peace as, "the general security of public places (ie. disturbing the peace". Can we, without a loss of control, defend what is right? The Lord can.

The God of Peace will soon crush Satan. He is not reacting in explosive violence but in calculated choice. He is not worried or anxious about his delay or about the outcome. His act of peace is one that, in a way, causes destruction. Yet, his overall purpose and nature is fulfilled.

The God of Peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. He uses us. I assume this verse does not imply that God will crush Satan and then place his ruined carcass under our feet. Somehow, in his power, he will use us to accomplish his plan.

In Genesis 3:15b, God curses the snake by saying, "He [woman's offspring] will crush your head and you will strike his heel." Through the lineage of Abraham and David and through the virgin birth of Mary, Jesus came and defeated Satan. Likewise, I believe he uses us to show himself and accomplish his purposes.

Prayer -

Thank you for righting wrongs. Thank you that you do this according to your perfect plan and not the result of an out-of-control act of power. Thank you for acting in peace and for peace.

Help us to follow you in responding to others in peace. Settle our hearts if our actions of peace involve upholding justice. Help soldiers fulfill their duties in faithful devotion to you. Help those in relationship difficulties to respond out of faithfulness to you also.

Thank you for using us as part of your plan. Forgive us for acting impulsive at times. But thank you for using even these.

A Forced Dichotomy? Acceptance and Estrangement

The Bible calls us to "accept one another ... as Christ accepted you". Can I say "no" to a relationship with another when God has said "yes" to a relationship with me?

Biblical Passage -
Romans 15:7 "Accept one another, then just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." NIV

Biblical Context -
After discussing the varying convictions of the day and exhorting the church to refrain from judgmental condemnation and, instead, to strive to live in peace, Paul, the author of Romans, writes about unity.

Reflections -

What does it mean to accept another?

On one hand, it could be argued that because Christ reconciled himself to us while we were sinners/ his enemies, we ought to do the same for others.

But again, I ask, is this what "accepting another as Christ accepted us" means?

(1)
Let's look at the Greek word translated as "accept". The greek word "proslambano" is defined by Vine's Complete Expository Dictionary as "to take to oneself ... to receive ... signifying a special interest on the part of the receiver, suggesting a welcome."

It would appear then, that Paul is not addressing the condoning of another's sin, nor is he addressing any permanent relational acceptance. Instead, it appears he is addressing the manner in which we respectfully treat another person present and, perhaps, in need.

This greek word is used in 2 other contexts in the New Testament. The first is Acts 28:2 where islanders on Malta "showed ... unusual kindness ... and welcomed" Paul and his team, providing fire and supplies "because it was raining and cold." These islanders' acceptance of Paul did not provide a permanent friendship for Paul but instead enabled Paul to minister to many and even heal the father of a chief official. What a compound effect this welcoming had! Though Paul left them a short time later (v10), their generous welcome had a lasting affect.

It seems as though a significant reason for a gracious greeting is to provide ministry opportunities through us and others not primarily for an ongoing relationship between two parties.

(2)
The english definition of "welcome" is "to receive or accept with kind courtesy or pleasure."

If we trust God is wise and continually moving relational pieces on this chessboard of life to fulfill a greater plan than can be thought or imagined, it would behoove us to treat encounters with others as moments in God's plan ... for us ... for them ... for his redemptive work on earth.

Perhaps, this welcome will be a lifelong friendship. Perhaps, as with the Malta islanders, our welcome will be a temporary opportunity to show kindness. Regardless, our attitude of welcome to others, shows an openness to be part of God's plan. He is the great conservationist. Are we open to seeing how others' gifts and/or ideas can sanctify us? Are we willing to be open, kind and courteous as others pursue their calling with the Lord? Or, are we more concerned with forcing our agenda and/ or opinion?

(3)
For whom is this done?

• Nor for ourselves: We welcome others not simply for the bitterness, arrogance or self-centeredness that could develop if we did not. We also do not welcome others for the secondhand benefit they could provide us.

• Not for others: We welcome others not for the blessing it will provide through or to another.

We welcome others "in praise to God," trusting Him above all... a willingness to be part of His plan.

(4)
What about estrangement?

Life is complicated. Relationships are affected by our calling. It is quite obvious, that interactions with strangers will differ with calling. If I am called to Malta and never depart, I will never meet an individual who resides and remains in another country.

Similarly, my calling with those I've met are also affected by my calling. I may not correspond with a former classmate. This is not a "refusal to welcome them" but a calling to welcome others. It is just not possible to continue every past relationship.

Sadly too, I may not continue to engage in certain strained relationships. Again, this is not necessarily a "refusal to welcome" but a calling to engage with others.

Prayer:
Lord, how easy it could be to live a guilt-ridden, constantly-striving life!!! Oh the needs! We cannot meet them all. Only You are God!

Forgive us for trying so hard to salvage every relationship that our focus is less on welcoming others and more on proving something. Our interactions with them can so easily become an effort force the result or conclusion we desire. Our very kindness becomes self-seeking and an arrogant attempt to play "god".

At the same time, Lord, keep us from hypocrisy. Let us not allow our desire for authenticity to justify rudeness and insensitivity. Where we are confused, bring clarity. If we are paralyzed in doubt, allow us to rest in trust of your ability to intervene and reinsert people into our lives who we have lost. Help us to be more concerned with faithfully welcoming others in the callings you currently have for us rather than the reconciliations we have been unable to achieve or the greetings we are unable to give.

Comfort us for the goodbyes we grieve giving when our heart's desire would be to to welcome them also.

In Christ Alone by Stuart Townend

I wanted to start a new section in this blog: Encouragement. There have been many songs that have encouraged me the last years as I've wrestled with abandonment while being misunderstood and attacked. The truth of God's word through song is powerful. I've written the lyrics with a prayer interwoven...

Song and prayer:

1.

In Christ alone my hope is found,

Lord, though situations seem hopeless, You are the resurrected Lord. We hope in a God who not merely used this power for our salvation but uses that same power on our behalf.

He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

My wait for you needn't be a funeral procession. You are my truth. You strengthen me. You enable me to live in joy. You are firm and solid despite the raging storms of tumultuous relationships.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

As we lay at times weary from unfulfilled longings and unsuccessful reconciliations, you are able to pierce through the discouragement to illuminate our position of "loved" instead of lonely... comforted instead of abandoned. You are able to bring us peace in the midst of our frantic efforts to "finally succeed". You are able to release and adore who you made us to be rather than allow us to continue driving ourselves to achieve things and/or love that are not meant for us.

My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

We stand then, not in who we are, but in who you have created us to be. Fallen, yes ... but loved! ... unique ... purposefully so! We stand in our fallen uniqueness because that is what you made. It is what you cherish. It is the reason for our rest.


2.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:

As I have been misunderstood, I confess my false accusations of you. Frustrated by my own inabilities, I have scorned you rather than receive Your gift of love and acceptance. I have desired your gifts rather than you.

Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

Lord, though I deserve your disapproval and wrath, I can stand unafraid. Though others try to shame me, my refusal to accept this shame is not self-righteousness but utter dependency on righteousness not my own... a "righteousness that is stronger than all my sin." Though my scorn of you was so much greater than any scorn done to me, I stand in your presence because of your great, pursuing, self-sacrificial love for me.


3.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:

How frustrating that truth is, at times, slain.

Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!

But, it is slain for just a moment!

And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

Alleluia! As you now stand in victory, you remove the curse of slain-truth. Though my situation is unknown to most and I appear cruel and bitter, I can stand! Though some of their accusations be true, I can stand! I am bought... chosen... wanted! I am worthy... bought at a precious price!


4.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,

Lord, help me as I chose to believe your Word and walk through life refusing to be weighed down by the burdens of guilt and shame. Just as I know I will be with you in heaven forgiven of my sins, I can live with you on earth... forgiven of my sins!

This is the power of Christ in me;

I can do this with Christ's resurrection power alone! It is supernatural and you give it to me.

From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.

Lord, this is your plan for me!

No power of hell, no scheme of man,

Can ever pluck me from His hand;

Satan cannot hurt me. The cruel scheming of man cannot overtake me! They cannot remove me from the love, acceptance and relationship I have with you. You have won me and I am in your grip.... irremovable!

Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

Lord, by the grace and power of Christ, I stand with you now and forever more. Amen!

What about slandering Satan?

Though many would agree gossip is wrong, they allow for slanderous accusations to go unchecked as long as the person is "really guilty". How interesting that the Bible addresses this using the most extreme example, Satan, to demonstrate that this is unacceptable.

Reference: Jude 1: 8-9

Biblical Summary: The archangel Michael and Satan were disputing yet Michael "did not dare to bring a slanderous accusation against him."

Reflection:
I like this passage because it demonstrates a few things about disagreements...

Certain things are allowed:

1. Michael engaged in a dispute. He was allowed to disagree and do so verbally. v9
   
2. Michael was allowed to say, "The Lord rebuke you." v9
   

Certain things are not allowed:

1. Michael did not bring a "slanderous accusation against him [Satan]." v9

Let's look at some of these definitions.

• Dispute: to engage in argument (Merriam Webster)

• Slander: an abusive attack on a person's character (www.english-test.net)

• Accusation: a formal criminal charge against a person alleged to have committed an offense punishable by law (legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com)

• Rebuke: to criticize or reprove sharply, to reprimand (thefreedictionary.com) (Reprove: to voice or convey disapproval of)
  

So... We ARE allowed to engage in debate of actions and ideas but need to leave disapproval for their person to the Lord. Even with Satan, we ought not abusively attack his character in response to his atrocious crimes. Instead, we attend to the matters we can and let the Lord deal with the heart and character. He alone is able to judge with full knowledge of their hearts, minds and motives.

Prayer
Lord, You alone know each and every situation as well as each and every heart. You know which circumstances have wounded us due to another's sinful heart and which have wounded us due to a sinful action from a repentant soul. Of course, illuminate us to ways we have been hurt due to mere differences... not sins on either part.

Help us to focus on actions and verbalized thoughts instead of character and intent. Keep us in our frustration from attacking the soul of another. Forgive us for the arrogance of wanting to do this, at times. Forgive us for having done this, at times.

Lord, as we so badly want to be understood. Give us the same desire to understand others... treating others how we want to be treated. When we disagree, aid us in examining ourselves in humility. Give us the words and grace to confront ideas that are wrong. When these false ideas and/ or cruelty remain unchanged, allow us to trust you that you will rebuke. You delay is planned. Your delay is purposeful. And, your promise of a future and a hope (Jer 29) remains true!

Two Final Verses:
Psalm 7:9 "O Righteous God, who searches minds and hearts, bring an end to the violence of the wicked and make the righteous secure."

1 Chronicles 28:9 "For the Lord searches every heart, and understands every motive behind the thoughts."

Ruth

Most Christian circles celebrate Ruth as she accompanies Naomi in a beautiful demonstration of loyalty and kindness. We cannot forget, however, that her devotion to Naomi required a departure from her own family.

Bible Reference - Ruth 1

Story Recap -
Naomi is a widow. After raising 2 sons in a foreign land, her husbands and sons both die leaving her destitute. Deciding to return to Israel, she bids farewell to her 2 widowed daughter-in-laws. One of them, Ruth, insists on joining her.

Reflection -
Nothing is ever said about Ruth's family. Her motivations for joining Naomi are also never mentioned. Was she kindhearted and concerned for this elderly woman's welfare? Was she intrigued by Naomi's God? Was there any negative reason encouraging her departure? Who knows!?!

The reasons are unclear but the results are astounding... "your people will be my people" (Ruth 1:16). In today's Christian's circles, a similar situation could be labeled as "abandonment" of her original family/ disloyalty instead of celebrating the very opposite: loyalty and commitment to a calling of care and Christian pursuit.

Again, we must ask ourselves, "Am I merely leaving my family or am I pursuing a calling?" Am I doing this from a place of mission towards others or self-protected bitterness. Sometimes, this may overlap for a season (as mentioned in other posts) but my resounding theme needs to be loyalty to Christ.

Prayer -
Lord, help my life to not be characterized by what I left but where I am going and with whom. Help things I have been forced to leave be a mere sentence in a much larger story of victory and mission for You and from You. I pray again for my family. Tho I have not been your chosen source of help for them, I would still pray that you bring someone. Ease my guilt and help me trust your plan as I partake in this separate road you have for me. Praise Your Name.

Moses and Pharoah

We often forget when we read stories about Moses confronting Pharaoh that he was confronting family. As an adopted family member who had fled in shame, he bravely fought to pull others out of the bondage. How difficult his stand must have been considering their adoption for him had saved his life. Yet, this "gift-of-life" did not necessitate a debt at the expense of his calling.

Bible Reference - Exodus 2-4

Story Recap - The Pharaoh of Egypt set a decree that all newborn Israelite boys be drowned. His daughter, however, finds a living Israelite baby crying in a basket on the river. Moved to pity, she adopts him. As Moses ages, he defies his wicked grandfather and wrongly murders an Egyptian following the cruel decrees. He flees and time passes (he marries and has children/ Pharaoh dies and is replaced). He is called by God to confront the new Pharoah and lead others out of their bondage.

Reflection -
Moses is an interesting story when you consider estrangement. He left his Egyptian family twice.

I can so relate to Moses in his first separation. He sees the injustice his "family system" is causing. He tries to be a change agent for good but it backfires. Perhaps, it was his youth and inexperience. Perhaps, it was the final release of pent-up rage and confusion.

Many times it takes tremendous courage to break the automatic repeating of family wrongs. The courage required can often lead to improper and even sinful actions on our part. How difficult! How exasperating! BUT, this needn't dismiss our stand or doom us to a life of cruelty and bitterness.

As the story continues, Moses is accused and in fear and shame, flees. Though motivated by fear and shame, it is interesting to note that though God has him return, he has him leave purposefully and finally later. During this first separation, God uses this time to heal and reveal Himself to Moses.

Relationships are messy but God is the ultimate conservationist. What may be a selfish and bitter fleeing on our part can be part of God's plan to separate us and plant us into an environment where He can flood us with perspective and His peace. God is a pursuing God and pursues us though we flee with guilt. Like Moses, can we rest with God... allowing him to point out our failures and retrain us. Can we receive this rest from him as we relearn in an environment free from the sin in which we have been "trained". We do not need to live in guilt but live in growth with the Lord and see where it takes us.

As the story "concludes" (at least the Egyptian-family part of it), Moses is called by God to reenter the system, confront his family and free others. He is not called to reengage and "try to change the system".

There are many instances in the Bible where we are called to be salt-and-light". I was often asked, "Why haven't you reentered, endured the abuse as you sought to bring a light into a dark place". Good question... one worthy to wrestle through with advisers and the Lord. I like Moses' example because it shows that the way this is done is based on calling. Moses obeyed God's calling, went through steps, but ended up leaving. His final leaving was final! It was not a fleeing from shame but a running towards a calling from God. The "salt-and-light" he was arguably unable to leave with his family did indeed leave a legacy of God's power that became a primary example of God's provision for generations to follow.

Prayer -
Lord, meet me now. Forgive me for ways I have sinned against my family. Though their actions required corrections, I have been far from perfect in all my dealing with them. I have, at times, echoed their sins towards them... becoming the very thing I'm condemning. Change me from the hypocrite. Though they may never see or acknowledge this change, let me name myself by the name you give me... forgiven... loved... redeemed. Let me meet you in new ways. Let me see you like never before. Let me not live in shame and fleeing from but faithfully following your lead as you point me the direction day-by-day (like Moses' plague by plague or the journey following the pillar of fire/ cloud). Allow me to cling to you so closely that I would reflect your glory, being "radiant because [I have] met with the Lord" (Ex 34:29). Bring me completely from a place of "hid(ing) his face because he was afraid to look at God" (Ex 3:6) to "speak(ing)... face to face as a man speaks to a friend" (Ex 33:11). To you, be the honor and praise!

One final note -
I must end by quoting the ending feelings toward Moses:

• Family: "Get out of my sight! ... The day you see my face you will die." (Ex 10:28)
  
• God: "The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to a friend." (Ex 33:11)
  

What his family withheld him, the Lord provided!

Strengthen weak knees

Imagine if Christians went around encouraging fellow brothers and sisters, “Keep the faith... God is coming with ‘muscle’, ‘boy’ is he angry and He is going fix this ‘good’!”

Bible Reference - Hebrews 12 & Isaiah 35

Hebrews 12:12 “Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. ‘Make level paths for your feet so that the lame may not be disabled but rather healed.”

The first subtitle of Hebrews 12 in the NIV is “God Disciplines His Sons.” Verse 7 begins with the phrase “Endure hardship as discipline...”. A natural-born cynic, I read this phrase with verse 12 and bitterly felt, “God is an abusive father. The difficulties you are enduring and have endured are cruel discipline but good for you so buck up. You don’t have to be destroyed if you toughen up.”

This cannot be true however if we assent to God being a God of love and compassion so I decided to look up the verse the author of Hebrews is quoting in verse 12. I loved what I found and was, quite frankly, surprised.

Isaiah 35:3 begins with, “Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way...”.

So... how does it continue? HOW do we strengthen our feeble hands and HOW to we steady our knees? How do we gain the strength and ability to “buck-up” and endure?

Isaiah 3:4 continues with the answer, “... say to those with fearful hearts, ‘Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.’

Reflection -
I love the fact that God does not want us to “bury-it-all-down-deep-inside” nor does he want us to “rise-up-by-our-bootstraps”. He does not want us to ignore our exacerbation or our desire for justice. He does not ask us to rid ourselves of righteous anger. Instead, he reminds us that we can take courage... GOD will ultimately right these wrongs. We strengthen ourselves and steady ourselves under the eternal perspective of the LORD’S “vengeance” and “retribution”. What powerful words! And, I believe it is because it takes incredible power, outside of ourselves, working with intensity to give us the vindication that allows us move forward when justice at a current moment be delayed. We must remember and be encouraged that though justice is delayed, God will intensely deal with it. The delay does not lower His outrage and determination to set things right.

Many times in this life we experience (or are ourselves) people who delay engaging conflict and then “forget about it”. A parent may be watching television and not intervene in sibling rivalry. A teacher may be distracted and not prevent cheating or bullying. These examples may lead us to feel God is distracted, preoccupied or indifferent. No!

God cares! He delays but his delay is purposeful. His anger is righteous and therefore is not “watered-down” by time. When he acts on our behalf, it will be strong and sure.

I smile at the this thought: Imagine if Christians went around telling discouraged ones to be encouraged and keep the faith because God is coming with “muscle”, “boy, is he angry” (“vengeance”), and he is going to “kick some butt and take names” (“divine retribution”). It would probably horrify many a christian with certain definitions of the word “forgiveness”. But clearly, this is appropriate. Forgiveness and the choice to not exact justice ourselves is only possible when we realize that it WILL still be done.

One important note is the resulting feelings:

• 35:6b “... the mute tongue [will] shout for joy.”
• 35:10a “... the ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing...”
• 35:10c “Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.”
  

Notice how the knowledge that God will act should not cause us to sit and bitterly await his judgement. This fact should ease our anger not be an excuse to inflame it. This passage is not meant to excuse our rage but allow us to move forward in our calling before the Lord in full awareness that things we are unable to change will be corrected. We can rest knowing we are responsible for our actions and attitudes alone. Though conclusions and judgements are not in our control, they are in control by a God who is righteous (“divine”) and powerful (“he will come to save”).

Prayer -
Lord, thank you that you care. Thank you that you are bothered to the point of action. Though you ask us to “endure hardship”, it is not from cruelty or lack of knowledge, concern, or motivation on your part. You WILL right things. And even now, the delay is strategic in our lives as well.
Thank you for acknowledging our pain in the matter (“no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful”). Your training is one that is pushing us to holiness and closeness with you without breaking us. A good trainer knows how far to push ... for skills to be built, they must push a person farther than they have gone before. A wise trainer must be fully aware of the current condition of their trainee so as not to break, tear, destroy, or undermine their ultimate goal. Your Lord, know our current state. You know that your delay causes pain. You are our trainer Lord. You are also our physical therapist. Wrap us. Brace us. Mend us. Heal us. Further open our eyes to see your goodness and our calling. If anyone is especially weary right now Lord, please comfort them and give them momentary reprieve to rest and rejuvenate. Thank you for the many examples of times you have done this in the Bible. Help us to trust you. Help us to rest in your righteous, perfect, good and loving plan. Allow us to grow in trust of your plan so much that the timing that you have and we do not understand is bearable and even preferred.

Additional passages -

• Deut 32:35 “It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.”
• Obadiah 1:15 “”The day of the Lord is near for all nations. As you have done, it will be done to you; your deeds will return upon your own head.”
• Acts 17:31a “For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice..:

Shamed by your idols

Relational rifts causes shame. Having an unattainable idol also causes shame. If we are experiencing shame, we need to ask ourselves, "Is this shame sorrow over a lost relationship OR disappointment for an unmet idolized goal?

Bible Reference - Jeremiah 10:14 “Every goldsmith is shamed by his idols. His images are a fraud.”

Reflection -
Sometimes people shame us. Other times, we are shamed due to righteous conviction.

I think there are two important questions we need to ask ourselves before the Lord to be sure people’s accusations are not righteous conviction...

1. Is my behavior shameful?
2. Am I shamed because I idolize something that is a fraud? What do I idolize? glory? admiration? others?

Prayer -
Lord, point out areas we feel shame frustration because we are pursuing things we ought not. Help us to seek YOU because that is a goal we can achieve. You promise that when we seek you, we will find you. You also promise that those who know you will not be put to shame. Grow our relationship so who you are is such a close reality with us that any other pursuit is contextualized and prioritized correctly.

Nebuchadnezzar's Pride

Just because it is thought differently does not mean victims are never proud. Let’s consider Nebuchadnezzar’s desires.

Bible Reference - Daniel 4:30 “[Nebuchadnezzar] said, ‘Is not this the great Babylon I have built as the royal residence, by my might power and for the glory of my majesty?’”

Story Recap - Nebuchadnezzar is a king who finishes a beautiful palace. As he struts about the roof over looking his kingdom, he boasts. Immediately he goes mad for a time but eventually turns to God and has his kingdom restored.

Reflection -
Nebuchadnezzar desired affirmation of his achievements (“I built”), acknowledgement of his power (“my power”), and adoration (“glory of my majesty”). Basically, he was self-centered, proud and greedy.

I think many times, we have this same attitude but in another extreme. Instead of claiming complete control for the good we have. We claim zero control for the bad we have. Both extremes still show our desire for validation of our power for good alone (that is why any bad we could have is not our fault), adoration and vindication.

Therefore, I have re-written this verse for those who are in negative circumstances...
“Is this not a pathetically broken situation!?! I had no part in creating because I’v been only victimized. I have used all my control for good. I should therefore be viewed as wonderful yet victimized. Others should be seen as mean and/ or wrong. Please feel sorry for me, validate me, affirm all my actions and shun all others. Don’t critique me or disagree.”

Sound familiar? Sound convicting? It is this kind of pride and 100% validation that is sinful and will eventually drive us to insanity. The truth is “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”. We ought not live our lives justifying our perfection or defending our faults. Rather, in humility before the Lord, we press on.

Prayer-
Lord, convict us of our failures. Where we have been wronged, heal us. But also, allow us to not be so defensive that we cannot see areas, even in these situations, were we have acted wrongly. Thank you that you can use fallen vessels to achieve your good purposes. Help us to glory in YOUR glory instead of living lives trying to validate our own.

Oil and Water Don't Mix - Part 3: Soap: Breaks it Down

Soap has the ability to break connections, destroy unions, and loosen the strength of natural bonds. Its purpose? ...to force the integration of separate entities.

Do we desire this in the church? Are we willing to make difficult choices to protect the body from those that would weaken it?

Reflection -
Soap has characteristics of both water and oil. Chemically speaking, soap is long nonpolar chain (an oil-soluble “tail”) with a small polar end (a water soluable “head”). As chemistry.com summarizes, “soap is an excellent cleaner... while oil (which attracts dirt) doesn’t naturally mix with water, soap can suspend oil/dirt in such a way that it can be removed.”

In our analogy here, those who love the Lord, refusing to live “charged lives” are oil. Our naturally sinful world is water/ water-soluble. It’s interesting to consider the easiest substance to breakdown other substances is something with the characteristics of each. It’s also interesting to note that it primarily dissolves the OIL into the water not the other way around. It “sneakingly” separates and suspends the oil in an environment it would not otherwise engage.

Luke 12:1 “Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees which is hypocrisy”

1 Corinthians 5:7-8 “Don’t you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast-as you really are.”

It seems that Jesus speaks the harshest with regards to strongly assimilated yet insincere members of the body. It seems they are the most destructive and deceitfully damaging. Catching others unaware, they naturally engaging the christian community and pull them into the proximity of evil (themselves). Which is more dangerous is debatable ... their example or their nature. The result is the same, “a little yeast works through a whole batch.”

Prayer -
Lord, keep our eyes open. Keep us kind yet clear. Help us to be aware when a brother/ sister needs our restorative care and when they are in a “yeast-like-state.” Help us to respond in thought and actions in ways that their “sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.” Give us wisdom as we interpret “you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat” (1 Cor 5:11). Allow us to protect the purity of the church while not becoming pharisaical ourselves ... become the very nature we are condemning. Keep us humble but bold... bold enough to be misunderstood... humble enough to live in full recognition of our utter brokenness and reliance of Your grace and mercy for both our salvation and sanctification. Where boundaries must be drawn, make us ever mindful they are not for the purpose of punishment but for their “spirit to be saved.” As within our power, give us the strength and wisdom to support and assist our broken “brother.


AS AN INTERESTING SIDE-NOTE...

Matthew 5:13 “...salt losses its saltiness...” (or shall we say, “oil looses its oil-iness”) is a passage immediately following discussions about enemies. It seems we need to be so careful not to change the nature of who we are in our interactions with enemies. In our response to evil, we need to be ever mindful, prayerful and humble before the Lord.

Oil and Water Don't Mix - Part 2: Oil is less common... an irritant... a stain

Stain: “a discoloration produced by foreign matter having penetrated into or chemically reacted with a material; a spot not easily removed.” (Dictionary.com)

“Stain” is usually a negative word. But... depends on the perspective. Is the “stain” & irritation we have left the result of penetrating a fallen condition with the bold love of God?

Reflection -
I was thinking about oil. It sure can be a nuisance. It can be one of the most difficult things to clean... at times ... virtually impossible.

That can be an encouragement if you continue my little parable of oil and water. Those choosing to live lives free from shifting-exterior-alternating-charges are oil. Others are water or water-soluble.

Most of life is water soluble so oil is an irritant. It makes “things” messy. Its nature forces separations. It stains. Even doing nothing, it’s very existence disturbs the natural order of the water-soluble world.

Jesus warns, “Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division” (Luke 12:51).

Here is my parabolic picture. Jesus has come dropping oil into a water-soluble world. It causes separations. It also causes stains.

God made me oil. I can rest that the divisions that were caused, are not necessarily my fault. God has made the environment for this to happen not because of a wrong on my part but possibly because of correctly living in my nature.

Also, I can also rest knowing I leave a stain in my absence. The gospel is powerful. God’s nature in us leaves a mark. Even if I am prevented from returning to a relationship, our “skid-mark” will remain. What God will do with it, is His knowledge alone.

Self-reflection question:
•Is my godly nature leaving a mark (in which case it is different and will leave a mark)? Or, am I simply leaving a bitter mark of my sinful nature (which only adds to the presence of sinful nature already present)? (As a gross aside: I chose the word "skid mark" on purpose: we could be leaving a tire mark as we "brake" bad habits or we could be leaving crap.)

Prayer -
Lord, help me to trust you with my personality. Help me to not diffuse who you made me to be to accommodate everyone and everything. Instead, help me to trust you when divisions are caused... knowing you have a good plan and that my presence was purposeful. At the same time, help me not to use this as an accuse to be cavalier and unthoughtful. Help me to leave marks of YOU when divisions are caused, not marks of my own sinfulness. On the flip side again Lord, divisions that are caused do not leave pleasant feelings on either side. And, I am imperfect Lord. Help me to trust you then with my personality but also with my failures. Help me not to live life paralyzed by over-analysis but to move forward with You, my Savior.

Oil and Water Don't Mix - Part 1: Charges in the Water

God created oil and water... two substances that do not mix together into integrated solutions. This is in their inherent, God-ordained nature.

Reflection -
Why don’t oil and water mix?

I was contemplating the chemistry behind the water-oil separation. If there ARE reasons, could they be related in a parable-like way to relationships. It’s not fool-proof but is an interesting analogy when considering the possibility that not relationships are intended to coexist intertwined.

Let’s briefly mention the chemistry involved. Water molecules are polar and oil molecules are nonpolar. Simply put, water molecules have different charges on its exterior allowing it to clump together in a magnetic-like way. Oil molecules do not. They are “even-stephen”. So... here’s what happens... when you combine water and oil molecules, the water clumps together ... leaving out the oil to mix randomly with itself.

Polar: +- (2 opposite parts)
Nonpolar: ++ (both parts the same)

Could it be that some people have “exposed charges”? Wounds, feelings, attitudes, actions, etc have a way of clumping them with others of similar “charges” effectively repelling others who refuse to live similarly.

This could take various forms. For one person, their pain could lead them to an addiction that seeks companions with similar addictions. For example, a drug addict surrounding herself in an drug-accessible environment.

For another person, their pain could lead them to lash out in ways that others need to shift to absorb and deflect. For example, an abusive person is typically surrounded by others who live “on tip-toes” ready to morph into the person that will diffuse the person/ situation.

In both cases, it is the “charged person” who choses to clump with accommodating others... effectively banishing anyone who is not willing to become one of the “groupies”.

In the first case of addiction, banishment is a result if this lifestyle is uncompromisingly pursued. As banished observers, we need to prayerfully consider if we have pursued the addict and tried to rescue and if there are additional ways to try. We also need to prayerfully consider our role and mission in the situation. But we need to be able to rest in the fact that “Salvation is the Lord’s”... the more determined the addict is, the more separate our position will be.

In the second case of abuse, banishment is a result as well but looks far different. In chemistry, water clumps as opposite charges line up and attract. An abuser often leads a bit of schizophrenic lifestyle... alternating between times of calm and times of violence. Victims surrounding the abuser shift and alter their makeup as well to mix well. It’s like a well-orchestrated dance where abuser and victim step in ways to “line-up”. Abuser, of-course, is lead. If a participant does not shift when abuser shift, this will break the synchronized dance. If others continue to “keep step” the dance will continue and the non-shifting member will be ostracized.
________________________________________________________________

ATTRACTION (opposite charges attract):

Their is a danger in this second case, however. Let’s consider chemistry again. Imagine an abuser as such...

Abuser/ Polar: +-

An environment that would reflect the abuser would be alternate between...

+- +- (abuser and victim perfectly aligned)

AND

-+ -+ (as abuser "flips" so does the victim)

Everyone lining up “appropriately” as abuser shifts and morphs.
__________________________________________________________________

REPULSION (similar charges repel):

What we need to guard against is the tendency to do this...

-+ +- (as abuser "flips" ... other person CAN but REFUSES to flip)

Notice, how we have not changed at all. We have chosen to stubbornly “stand our ground” and not accommodate the accuser but still have these tendencies within ourselves. This will cause us to separate from one abuser but sadly we allow us to either become one ourselves or enter another abusive relationship.


Instead, the “banishment” from an abusive relationship must be the result of a healing of the extremes in our own make-up. We need to look like...

-+ ++ (as abuser "flips" ... other person, even "flipped", will be identical)

The resulting clashes from our “colliding charges” are not therefore the result of a stubborn, bitter, hard-headedness or lack of forgiveness. Instead, they are a result of a healing from the schizophrenic compromises we have witnessed and become. It is our healing and internal unification that alienates us.
__________________________________________________________________

Often, we are told that as healed christians, we should be able to enter any situation and family relationship with kindness and grace to bring healing and hope. I do not think this is true. Sometimes, our refusal to morph into the role we have previously held is so alarming and offensive, others cling all the tighter to each other and we are abandoned. We then are confronted with a choice. Do we wish to continue to repeatedly change around the whims of another? Or, do we wish to remain as a bold irritant constantly disrupting the solution? Or, are the bonds so tight that their is forced separation?

Again, before the Lord we must ask if we are doing this from a place of healing or stubborn pain. We also must consider our role and calling.

Prayer -
Lord, we are lonely! How frustrating is our inability! We cannot free some trapped in addiction. We cannot bring stability and grace to abuse. We hope and love yet appear alone and outcasted. We want to change things so the good person we are at times and the compassion we long to bring can be acknowledged and received. Instead, we are shunned by those we long to relationally embrace and are misunderstood by many as “cop outs” or bitter. Would you heal us! Continue to make our banishment one of internal wholeness not external aggression. Increase our kindness despite the affrontive and/ or unresponsive way we aline with others. Give us wisdom how to proceed in these area of clear confrontation. Help us traverse these lonely roads with these baby skills we were raised without. Oh Lord, be companion and guide. Remind us who we are and whose we are.

Saul and Samuel

Though Saul asks for forgiveness, Samuel never sees Saul again. Is it our place to forgive a sin committed against the Lord? What is our role and responsibility? Are there attitudes Saul exhibited that shed any light?

Bible Reference - 1 Samuel 15

Story Recap - Saul was king of Israel and disobeyed the Lord. Samuel was a priest and confronted Saul with God’s disapproval telling him God rejected him as king. Saul pleads for Samuel’s forgiveness and asks Samuel to accompany him. At first Samuel refuses but eventually concedes. After that, “until the day Samuel died, he did not go to see Saul again, though Samuel mourned for him” (15:35)

Reflection -
Saul states, “I have sinned. But please honor me...” (15:30). Sometimes in relational rifts, the offender appears to pursue. I think an important question to ask is, “Why?” What is the motive behind their plea? To whom is the request due?

In this story, several indicators accuse Saul. In verse 13, he greets Samuel cheerfully and innocently... actually... he greets proudly defensive. “I have carried out the Lord’s instructions.” He then explains Samuel’s observation instead of repenting. He did this once (vs 19). He did this twice (vs 17). He even did it a bit in his third and final speech (vs. 24).

He finally then admits to generalized “sin” and asks Samuel to forgive a sin against God. He asks Samuel to validate him before the people by accompanying him. His actions point to an apology to keep people (ie. Samuel) from anger or public reproach not to humbly own his wrong deed and repent before the Lord. Even his desire to be with Samuel was for public appearance... as was his desire to go worship. His request was primarily one of “honor and amends” and not integrity and humble repentance.

It’s interesting to see Samuel’s response. He doesn’t publicly shame Saul. He does go with him. But, he does not see him again. His desire was not to shame but also to not continue validating.

I find it interesting also that Samuel does not forgive Saul for his offense against God. I do not think this is arrogance but humility. The offense was not against Samuel so it was not one he could forgive. The offense and the forgiveness of it was between Saul and the Lord.

Samuel is grieved. Consequences should grieve us if we are soft. We grieve the unrepentance of another. We grieve the loss of relationship for ourselves. As we grow in forgiveness, we at times grow in mourning as the bitterness is slowly converted to a dull sorrow... one that God can meet and mend.

Prayer -
Lord, only you know the hearts of men. You even know our own far better than we do. Help us to be discerning without being condemning! Protect us from ourselves! Convict us specifically of sins we need to confess and repent. Free us from Satan’s condemnation that shames us in generalities. This is not from you. Keep us from arrogantly coming to you in “God speech” to present you with our lofty knowledge of spiritual truths instead of the specific ways you meet us in them. Forgive me for _______________ when I ______________. Help me to be primarily grieved that my arrogance to act as I want hurts You and my ability to rest with you, my ultimate source of peace and joy. Let other’s understanding and approval be always secondary to yours so that regardless of their presence, I can rest.

David and Michal

Relational consequences existed even in Biblical marriages ... even with the “man after God’s own heart.” How interesting that David’s role in this rift is inconclusive.

Bible Reference - 2 Samuel 6:16-23 and 1Chronicles 15:29

Story Recap -- The Israelites were finally bringing the ark back to Jerusalem. King David was so happy he danced before the Lord with the community. His wife, Michal, was watching from her window and was upset. When David returned home, Michal went out to meet him and shamed him for his public actions. David defended his actions. “And Michal, daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death” (6:23)

Reflection -
Here’s the big question here... WHY did Michal have no children? Did God vindicate David and leave her barren? Did David cease having sexual intercourse with her?

Either way, one conclusion is that there was a relational consequence to her actions. God imposed alone or “assisted by David”, their relationship did not grow further. If it was God alone, it still confirms the fact that there are inevitable, God-allowed consequences to abusive behavior... relational limitations.

My guess... I’m prone to think David’s relationship with her changed. I think, as I’ve said before, this is not directly stated because of the inappropriate generalization of this principle. This is not the typical-loving husband response to marital strife. But, God is not “cut-and-dry”. He exists multidimensional.

Why my guess, you wonder? It’s interesting it seems as though every other time women did not have children, the reason is give:

• Sarai was barren. (Gen 11:30, Heb 11:11)
• Rebekah was barren. (Gen 25:210
• Rachel was barren. (Gen 29:31)
• Wife of Zorah was barren - Samson’s mother (Judges 13:2)
• The Lord had closed Hannah’s womb - Samuel’s mother (1 Samuel 1:6)
• Elizabeth was barren - John the Baptist’s mother (Luke 1:7)
  

It’s also interesting to note that in each case above, and in the additional stories below, God provides a child to the childless.

• Lot’s daughters (Gen 19)
• Judah’s daughter-in-law (Gen 38)

This seems to be the only story about a woman who had no children with no reason and with no resolve. The fact that it leaves the possibility that the consequences involved David is extremely significant. It gives some credence to the fact that though they involved David, they were not a result of David’s speech but of God’s outcome for the situation... an unchanging outcome. It involved David but was God’s intention.

Relational rifts occur. At times, the damage is irrevocable. The resulting separation is not because “we are exacting justice” or acting like “judge, jury, and executioner”. It is simply the outcome to a person’s poor choices... not reflected on us but them. All this, God has allowed.

An interesting note is that this rift too was a result of mockery. (I plan to write more about this later.)

Prayer -
Lord, help us not to be judge, jury, and executioner. At the same time, help us to not live in shame and self-reproach when relationships are severed. Allow us to live fully before you. Allow us like David to say, “It was before the Lord, who chose me... “ that I responded the way I have. And, before the Lord, “I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes...” (6:21-22). Help us to live lives of sincerity before you so the mockery of others doesn’t shame us into silence nor the misunderstanding of others. Help us to bear this all for your name’s sake. We can even bear humiliation and alienation for the glory of your name. Increase this desire in our hearts so we can live blameless before you instead of bitter or emasculated before others.

Abraham and Hagar

Separations are not the norm and are therefore misunderstood by others. Even in the Bible, circumstances are unclear. God’s allowance of these separations can be disturbing. Can we rest in God’s approval alone? Can we rest in God’s care for another? Or, will we live lives of self-justification?

Bible Reference - Genesis 21

Story Recap - Abraham and Sarah are married and have no children. Sarah suggests Abraham have a child through Hagar. He does. Hagar mocks. Sarah tells Abraham to “get rid of her”. Abraham is worried, is reassured by God, and sends her away.

Reflection -
1) A HORRIBLE STORY
Certainly this would be a story you wouldn’t want to generalize or take out of context. That being said, it is really amazing that this story is in the Bible at all.

On the one hand, it is a horrible story!! A poor young woman is impregnated due to a lack of faith in God’s promise on the part of a man and his wife. Then, the young, single destitute woman is kicked out with no safety net and basically no hope in the society of the day. And worse, all this God both allowed and condoned.

I think this horrible “straw-man” version of the story is helpful as we consider the contexts we find ourselves in that lead to gross estrangements. A two-page summary (let alone a 2 paragraph summary of that) could never fully explain the nuances. Not only do we lack God’s infinite perspective, we lack the full human data and experience.

Just as in the Bible, God does not spend the book trying to justify and defend Abraham, we should rest in the fact that our stories are not going to be understood or fully justifiable in this lifetime. But, God knows.

If Sarah and Abraham had fully defended themselves, it probably would have convicted them all the more. I would guess that Sarah would become adamantly trying to explain the ill-treatment she had endured... thus reliving it... feeling the emotion of it... conveying the emotion of the the pain endured NOT a restful trust.

2) GOD’S PERMISSION
I wonder why God would have allowed this. In so many other places, this principle is condemned. It seems like the only words justifying this action is “Hagar... was mocking” (Gen 21:9). There seems to be something significant about mocking so I’m starting another page with thoughts about that.

3) GOD’S PLAN
I’m glad that Abraham was distressed. I think anytime a separation is involved, it should cause reflection and sorrow. This can help confirm we are doing it for the right reasons and not entering into the decision lightly or flippantly.

One reason for Abraham’s distress is because of the safety of his son... an innocent party that will be abandoned as well because of his position with regards to Hagar.

I love God’s reassurance to Abraham. Do not fear. Trust God’s plan. He has a separate plan for those alienated from you.

When we separate from difficult people, we often break relationships with those we love. We would love to retain these relationships with “innocent” people we love. But, no... the link they have remains secured to another and so is lost to us. We feel guilty, responsible, sad and possibly worried. But, God has a plan for them too. It is separate from us but not separate from God. Our grief needs to be limited to the fact that we will not be part and witness of God’s work for them NOT in the lack of hope for them.

Prayer -
Lord, allow us to be misunderstood. Allow us to be glad in that for separation only happens in extreme cases and if it were easily understood, it could wrongly be generalized. We don’t want this. Help us be satisfied and at peace with this. Keep us from living in the emotional justification of our abusive defense instead of in the freedom of moving forward in your story for us. Watch over those from whom we are severed. Keep them safe. Thank you that you promise us “hope and a future”. We pray that for them as well. Hold us together when we miss our dear ones -- who they are and who they will be. Keep us prayerful for them always.

Abraham and family of origin

Is our separation from family a result of pursuing God’s calling? Or, is our separation from family a bitter flight?

Bible Reference - Genesis 12 “The Lord had said to Abram, ‘Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.’”

Story Recap - Abram lived in an area called Haran. God calls Abram to leave for Canaan. He leaves with his wife, nephew and their possessions.

Reflection -
Today’s timing and technology bring interesting circumstances to family relationships today. In Abram’s time, he is called and leaves. There is not the technology or mail system to allow for ongoing communication.

Who knows how Abram would have operated with the extended family he left in Haran if he had been able. It is worthy to note however that in his context, he did not. The Lord had him leave a living family to pursue a greater calling.

Many stand by missionaries as they physically leave family to pursue God’s calling in their life. Few stand by those who leave extended family “by choice” to pursue God’s calling in their life. It saddens me that instead of questions of conviction and clarification, people who love the Lord and are surrounded by abusers trying to thwart their calling (or very person) are left justifying their love of God and forgiveness of a past. Instead of clarifying and pursuing a calling of God and moving boldly ahead, they are justifying a calling and change in direction.

Of course, this principle could be taken out of context. We can’t always just “up an leave” family. As they did in the epistles, we need to be sure THEY aren’t our calling. Are they destitute? Do they have needs that we can offer (and they will take)? Have we received counsel? Are we truly pursuing God’s calling elsewhere or fleeing God’s calling like Jonah?

Prayer -
Lord, help us live in honesty with ourselves and others. Help us not to flee ministries we can provide to our family. Encourage us when the help we try to provide is not taken or fled from (ie. prodigal son). Give us a soft and open heart for you. Give us the passion and confidence to pursue the vision you have for us. Keep us from living our life justifying our calling rather than pursuing it. Keep us from anger at those who misunderstand the depth, gravity and sorrow of the situation. In fact, allow us to be grateful for those who question ... thankful for the righteous desire that we would not be self-deceived and that needy ones be neglected in a godly rouse. Keep us always humble and thoughtful ourselves.

Abraham and Lot

During family quarreling, what should be done? Most christians would propose sitting down and talking it through until resolution is made. But, Abraham and Lot are an interesting counter-example. They chose to separate but Abram’s love and self-sacrifice for Lot continued.

Bible Reference - Genesis 13:8-9

Story Recap - Abraham was Lot’s uncle. Both were established adults and wealthy. Because “the land could not support them while they stayed together”, their herdsmen began quarreling. Abraham and Lot agreed on land division and went their separate ways.

Reflection -
1) SEPARATION.
Today’s Christian society tends to push towards “working things out” and reestablishing community in relationships is the final goal of strife. Some may promote the need for boundaries but still argue that the best end of strife would be reinstatement.

How interesting to note that Abram actually proposes separation as an acceptable conflict resolution. “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me... Let’s part company.” (v8) He did not say, “We need to sit these quarreling people down and ‘hash it out’ until everyone can agree to compromises and start getting along.”

It seems like in life, there emerges situations that bring out conflict because of a variety of preexisting limitations. To force “compromises” results in frustration or starvation. Why can’t the church allow believers to graciously agree to separate versus fighting to share unsharable assets.

2) DEFERENCE
It’s interesting to note that although Abram suggested the separation, he did not seem to be doing it mean-spirited. He separated to his-own disadvantage. He allowed Lot to pick the choicest of paths.

I think an important question to ask when separating from a relationship is what we are willing to lose to separate. Are we trying to leave with every asset, relationship, pride and position? Are we trying to pry an apology? Or, can we, within our power, allow them to take a better position than us.

For example, if there is a rift in a family, am I willing to allow others to go whichever way they want. Am I willing to not ask people to chose sides? Is my goal and desire to see both sides thrive or for myself to be vindicated?

3) ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
God had blessed Abram right before this incident (Gen 12) but chooses to restate it just as Lot parts (Gen 13:14). It is almost as if he is confirming Abram’s decision. It’s as if God is saying, “The separation of you from some of your family in no way diminishes the promised blessings I have for you and your remaining family.” God was not angry. God did not withhold his blessing. God did not push Abram to restore the family community that had previously existed.

4) HELP
Often when separation occurs, we are so hurt or angry that we “put a period” on that relationship and close the door forever. Not Abram. The very next chapter in the Bible (Gen 14) when Lot is in trouble, Abram rescues at personal cost.

When we are estranged from others, is our heart towards them soft? Are we willing to help them should they ask or if they don’t ask but there is a need that we could help? Do we “hope to be proved right” in this life or are continually ready to assist?

5) PRAYER
It is interesting to note that one of the only pleas for God’s mercy in the Bible was Abraham praying for Lot in Genesis 18. They had separated due to quarreling. Lot had been selfish. Lot continued to remain in area that was clearly dangerous and immoral. But, Abraham still cares and pleads with God for his safety.

I like how Abraham personally goes to rescue Lot at one time but also chooses not to another time. Clearly his choice to not personally go has nothing to do with his love or concern for Lot for Abraham bravely pushes the Lord to save Lot.

One interesting speculation would be to imagine Abraham’s (and Lot’s) end if Abraham were to have gone. When the angels went, Lot’s associates tried to harm them. Instead, they almost destroyed Lot and broke down his house until the angels miraculously intervened to protect them that night (Gen 19). Abraham could not have done this.

We need to be ready to enter where possible. We also need to be willing to watch, wait and trust the Lord... pleading with the Lord for our estranged family’s protection.

Prayer -
Lord, give us wisdom. Help us to know when to compromise and when to separate... when to run to rescue and when to pray as consequences ensue. Help us to trust you with others. Help us to allow others to take more than their share or position when they leave. Allow us to even give our pride. Keep us compassionate and kind. Keep us hoping. Save our loved ones. Keep them safe... even if there is only one in the lot who loves you.