Strengthen weak knees

Imagine if Christians went around encouraging fellow brothers and sisters, “Keep the faith... God is coming with ‘muscle’, ‘boy’ is he angry and He is going fix this ‘good’!”

Bible Reference - Hebrews 12 & Isaiah 35

Hebrews 12:12 “Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. ‘Make level paths for your feet so that the lame may not be disabled but rather healed.”

The first subtitle of Hebrews 12 in the NIV is “God Disciplines His Sons.” Verse 7 begins with the phrase “Endure hardship as discipline...”. A natural-born cynic, I read this phrase with verse 12 and bitterly felt, “God is an abusive father. The difficulties you are enduring and have endured are cruel discipline but good for you so buck up. You don’t have to be destroyed if you toughen up.”

This cannot be true however if we assent to God being a God of love and compassion so I decided to look up the verse the author of Hebrews is quoting in verse 12. I loved what I found and was, quite frankly, surprised.

Isaiah 35:3 begins with, “Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way...”.

So... how does it continue? HOW do we strengthen our feeble hands and HOW to we steady our knees? How do we gain the strength and ability to “buck-up” and endure?

Isaiah 3:4 continues with the answer, “... say to those with fearful hearts, ‘Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.’

Reflection -
I love the fact that God does not want us to “bury-it-all-down-deep-inside” nor does he want us to “rise-up-by-our-bootstraps”. He does not want us to ignore our exacerbation or our desire for justice. He does not ask us to rid ourselves of righteous anger. Instead, he reminds us that we can take courage... GOD will ultimately right these wrongs. We strengthen ourselves and steady ourselves under the eternal perspective of the LORD’S “vengeance” and “retribution”. What powerful words! And, I believe it is because it takes incredible power, outside of ourselves, working with intensity to give us the vindication that allows us move forward when justice at a current moment be delayed. We must remember and be encouraged that though justice is delayed, God will intensely deal with it. The delay does not lower His outrage and determination to set things right.

Many times in this life we experience (or are ourselves) people who delay engaging conflict and then “forget about it”. A parent may be watching television and not intervene in sibling rivalry. A teacher may be distracted and not prevent cheating or bullying. These examples may lead us to feel God is distracted, preoccupied or indifferent. No!

God cares! He delays but his delay is purposeful. His anger is righteous and therefore is not “watered-down” by time. When he acts on our behalf, it will be strong and sure.

I smile at the this thought: Imagine if Christians went around telling discouraged ones to be encouraged and keep the faith because God is coming with “muscle”, “boy, is he angry” (“vengeance”), and he is going to “kick some butt and take names” (“divine retribution”). It would probably horrify many a christian with certain definitions of the word “forgiveness”. But clearly, this is appropriate. Forgiveness and the choice to not exact justice ourselves is only possible when we realize that it WILL still be done.

One important note is the resulting feelings:

• 35:6b “... the mute tongue [will] shout for joy.”
• 35:10a “... the ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing...”
• 35:10c “Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.”
  

Notice how the knowledge that God will act should not cause us to sit and bitterly await his judgement. This fact should ease our anger not be an excuse to inflame it. This passage is not meant to excuse our rage but allow us to move forward in our calling before the Lord in full awareness that things we are unable to change will be corrected. We can rest knowing we are responsible for our actions and attitudes alone. Though conclusions and judgements are not in our control, they are in control by a God who is righteous (“divine”) and powerful (“he will come to save”).

Prayer -
Lord, thank you that you care. Thank you that you are bothered to the point of action. Though you ask us to “endure hardship”, it is not from cruelty or lack of knowledge, concern, or motivation on your part. You WILL right things. And even now, the delay is strategic in our lives as well.
Thank you for acknowledging our pain in the matter (“no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful”). Your training is one that is pushing us to holiness and closeness with you without breaking us. A good trainer knows how far to push ... for skills to be built, they must push a person farther than they have gone before. A wise trainer must be fully aware of the current condition of their trainee so as not to break, tear, destroy, or undermine their ultimate goal. Your Lord, know our current state. You know that your delay causes pain. You are our trainer Lord. You are also our physical therapist. Wrap us. Brace us. Mend us. Heal us. Further open our eyes to see your goodness and our calling. If anyone is especially weary right now Lord, please comfort them and give them momentary reprieve to rest and rejuvenate. Thank you for the many examples of times you have done this in the Bible. Help us to trust you. Help us to rest in your righteous, perfect, good and loving plan. Allow us to grow in trust of your plan so much that the timing that you have and we do not understand is bearable and even preferred.

Additional passages -

• Deut 32:35 “It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.”
• Obadiah 1:15 “”The day of the Lord is near for all nations. As you have done, it will be done to you; your deeds will return upon your own head.”
• Acts 17:31a “For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice..:

Shamed by your idols

Relational rifts causes shame. Having an unattainable idol also causes shame. If we are experiencing shame, we need to ask ourselves, "Is this shame sorrow over a lost relationship OR disappointment for an unmet idolized goal?

Bible Reference - Jeremiah 10:14 “Every goldsmith is shamed by his idols. His images are a fraud.”

Reflection -
Sometimes people shame us. Other times, we are shamed due to righteous conviction.

I think there are two important questions we need to ask ourselves before the Lord to be sure people’s accusations are not righteous conviction...

1. Is my behavior shameful?
2. Am I shamed because I idolize something that is a fraud? What do I idolize? glory? admiration? others?

Prayer -
Lord, point out areas we feel shame frustration because we are pursuing things we ought not. Help us to seek YOU because that is a goal we can achieve. You promise that when we seek you, we will find you. You also promise that those who know you will not be put to shame. Grow our relationship so who you are is such a close reality with us that any other pursuit is contextualized and prioritized correctly.

Nebuchadnezzar's Pride

Just because it is thought differently does not mean victims are never proud. Let’s consider Nebuchadnezzar’s desires.

Bible Reference - Daniel 4:30 “[Nebuchadnezzar] said, ‘Is not this the great Babylon I have built as the royal residence, by my might power and for the glory of my majesty?’”

Story Recap - Nebuchadnezzar is a king who finishes a beautiful palace. As he struts about the roof over looking his kingdom, he boasts. Immediately he goes mad for a time but eventually turns to God and has his kingdom restored.

Reflection -
Nebuchadnezzar desired affirmation of his achievements (“I built”), acknowledgement of his power (“my power”), and adoration (“glory of my majesty”). Basically, he was self-centered, proud and greedy.

I think many times, we have this same attitude but in another extreme. Instead of claiming complete control for the good we have. We claim zero control for the bad we have. Both extremes still show our desire for validation of our power for good alone (that is why any bad we could have is not our fault), adoration and vindication.

Therefore, I have re-written this verse for those who are in negative circumstances...
“Is this not a pathetically broken situation!?! I had no part in creating because I’v been only victimized. I have used all my control for good. I should therefore be viewed as wonderful yet victimized. Others should be seen as mean and/ or wrong. Please feel sorry for me, validate me, affirm all my actions and shun all others. Don’t critique me or disagree.”

Sound familiar? Sound convicting? It is this kind of pride and 100% validation that is sinful and will eventually drive us to insanity. The truth is “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”. We ought not live our lives justifying our perfection or defending our faults. Rather, in humility before the Lord, we press on.

Prayer-
Lord, convict us of our failures. Where we have been wronged, heal us. But also, allow us to not be so defensive that we cannot see areas, even in these situations, were we have acted wrongly. Thank you that you can use fallen vessels to achieve your good purposes. Help us to glory in YOUR glory instead of living lives trying to validate our own.

Oil and Water Don't Mix - Part 3: Soap: Breaks it Down

Soap has the ability to break connections, destroy unions, and loosen the strength of natural bonds. Its purpose? ...to force the integration of separate entities.

Do we desire this in the church? Are we willing to make difficult choices to protect the body from those that would weaken it?

Reflection -
Soap has characteristics of both water and oil. Chemically speaking, soap is long nonpolar chain (an oil-soluble “tail”) with a small polar end (a water soluable “head”). As chemistry.com summarizes, “soap is an excellent cleaner... while oil (which attracts dirt) doesn’t naturally mix with water, soap can suspend oil/dirt in such a way that it can be removed.”

In our analogy here, those who love the Lord, refusing to live “charged lives” are oil. Our naturally sinful world is water/ water-soluble. It’s interesting to consider the easiest substance to breakdown other substances is something with the characteristics of each. It’s also interesting to note that it primarily dissolves the OIL into the water not the other way around. It “sneakingly” separates and suspends the oil in an environment it would not otherwise engage.

Luke 12:1 “Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees which is hypocrisy”

1 Corinthians 5:7-8 “Don’t you know that a little yeast works through the whole batch of dough? Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast-as you really are.”

It seems that Jesus speaks the harshest with regards to strongly assimilated yet insincere members of the body. It seems they are the most destructive and deceitfully damaging. Catching others unaware, they naturally engaging the christian community and pull them into the proximity of evil (themselves). Which is more dangerous is debatable ... their example or their nature. The result is the same, “a little yeast works through a whole batch.”

Prayer -
Lord, keep our eyes open. Keep us kind yet clear. Help us to be aware when a brother/ sister needs our restorative care and when they are in a “yeast-like-state.” Help us to respond in thought and actions in ways that their “sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord.” Give us wisdom as we interpret “you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat” (1 Cor 5:11). Allow us to protect the purity of the church while not becoming pharisaical ourselves ... become the very nature we are condemning. Keep us humble but bold... bold enough to be misunderstood... humble enough to live in full recognition of our utter brokenness and reliance of Your grace and mercy for both our salvation and sanctification. Where boundaries must be drawn, make us ever mindful they are not for the purpose of punishment but for their “spirit to be saved.” As within our power, give us the strength and wisdom to support and assist our broken “brother.


AS AN INTERESTING SIDE-NOTE...

Matthew 5:13 “...salt losses its saltiness...” (or shall we say, “oil looses its oil-iness”) is a passage immediately following discussions about enemies. It seems we need to be so careful not to change the nature of who we are in our interactions with enemies. In our response to evil, we need to be ever mindful, prayerful and humble before the Lord.

Oil and Water Don't Mix - Part 2: Oil is less common... an irritant... a stain

Stain: “a discoloration produced by foreign matter having penetrated into or chemically reacted with a material; a spot not easily removed.” (Dictionary.com)

“Stain” is usually a negative word. But... depends on the perspective. Is the “stain” & irritation we have left the result of penetrating a fallen condition with the bold love of God?

Reflection -
I was thinking about oil. It sure can be a nuisance. It can be one of the most difficult things to clean... at times ... virtually impossible.

That can be an encouragement if you continue my little parable of oil and water. Those choosing to live lives free from shifting-exterior-alternating-charges are oil. Others are water or water-soluble.

Most of life is water soluble so oil is an irritant. It makes “things” messy. Its nature forces separations. It stains. Even doing nothing, it’s very existence disturbs the natural order of the water-soluble world.

Jesus warns, “Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division” (Luke 12:51).

Here is my parabolic picture. Jesus has come dropping oil into a water-soluble world. It causes separations. It also causes stains.

God made me oil. I can rest that the divisions that were caused, are not necessarily my fault. God has made the environment for this to happen not because of a wrong on my part but possibly because of correctly living in my nature.

Also, I can also rest knowing I leave a stain in my absence. The gospel is powerful. God’s nature in us leaves a mark. Even if I am prevented from returning to a relationship, our “skid-mark” will remain. What God will do with it, is His knowledge alone.

Self-reflection question:
•Is my godly nature leaving a mark (in which case it is different and will leave a mark)? Or, am I simply leaving a bitter mark of my sinful nature (which only adds to the presence of sinful nature already present)? (As a gross aside: I chose the word "skid mark" on purpose: we could be leaving a tire mark as we "brake" bad habits or we could be leaving crap.)

Prayer -
Lord, help me to trust you with my personality. Help me to not diffuse who you made me to be to accommodate everyone and everything. Instead, help me to trust you when divisions are caused... knowing you have a good plan and that my presence was purposeful. At the same time, help me not to use this as an accuse to be cavalier and unthoughtful. Help me to leave marks of YOU when divisions are caused, not marks of my own sinfulness. On the flip side again Lord, divisions that are caused do not leave pleasant feelings on either side. And, I am imperfect Lord. Help me to trust you then with my personality but also with my failures. Help me not to live life paralyzed by over-analysis but to move forward with You, my Savior.

Oil and Water Don't Mix - Part 1: Charges in the Water

God created oil and water... two substances that do not mix together into integrated solutions. This is in their inherent, God-ordained nature.

Reflection -
Why don’t oil and water mix?

I was contemplating the chemistry behind the water-oil separation. If there ARE reasons, could they be related in a parable-like way to relationships. It’s not fool-proof but is an interesting analogy when considering the possibility that not relationships are intended to coexist intertwined.

Let’s briefly mention the chemistry involved. Water molecules are polar and oil molecules are nonpolar. Simply put, water molecules have different charges on its exterior allowing it to clump together in a magnetic-like way. Oil molecules do not. They are “even-stephen”. So... here’s what happens... when you combine water and oil molecules, the water clumps together ... leaving out the oil to mix randomly with itself.

Polar: +- (2 opposite parts)
Nonpolar: ++ (both parts the same)

Could it be that some people have “exposed charges”? Wounds, feelings, attitudes, actions, etc have a way of clumping them with others of similar “charges” effectively repelling others who refuse to live similarly.

This could take various forms. For one person, their pain could lead them to an addiction that seeks companions with similar addictions. For example, a drug addict surrounding herself in an drug-accessible environment.

For another person, their pain could lead them to lash out in ways that others need to shift to absorb and deflect. For example, an abusive person is typically surrounded by others who live “on tip-toes” ready to morph into the person that will diffuse the person/ situation.

In both cases, it is the “charged person” who choses to clump with accommodating others... effectively banishing anyone who is not willing to become one of the “groupies”.

In the first case of addiction, banishment is a result if this lifestyle is uncompromisingly pursued. As banished observers, we need to prayerfully consider if we have pursued the addict and tried to rescue and if there are additional ways to try. We also need to prayerfully consider our role and mission in the situation. But we need to be able to rest in the fact that “Salvation is the Lord’s”... the more determined the addict is, the more separate our position will be.

In the second case of abuse, banishment is a result as well but looks far different. In chemistry, water clumps as opposite charges line up and attract. An abuser often leads a bit of schizophrenic lifestyle... alternating between times of calm and times of violence. Victims surrounding the abuser shift and alter their makeup as well to mix well. It’s like a well-orchestrated dance where abuser and victim step in ways to “line-up”. Abuser, of-course, is lead. If a participant does not shift when abuser shift, this will break the synchronized dance. If others continue to “keep step” the dance will continue and the non-shifting member will be ostracized.
________________________________________________________________

ATTRACTION (opposite charges attract):

Their is a danger in this second case, however. Let’s consider chemistry again. Imagine an abuser as such...

Abuser/ Polar: +-

An environment that would reflect the abuser would be alternate between...

+- +- (abuser and victim perfectly aligned)

AND

-+ -+ (as abuser "flips" so does the victim)

Everyone lining up “appropriately” as abuser shifts and morphs.
__________________________________________________________________

REPULSION (similar charges repel):

What we need to guard against is the tendency to do this...

-+ +- (as abuser "flips" ... other person CAN but REFUSES to flip)

Notice, how we have not changed at all. We have chosen to stubbornly “stand our ground” and not accommodate the accuser but still have these tendencies within ourselves. This will cause us to separate from one abuser but sadly we allow us to either become one ourselves or enter another abusive relationship.


Instead, the “banishment” from an abusive relationship must be the result of a healing of the extremes in our own make-up. We need to look like...

-+ ++ (as abuser "flips" ... other person, even "flipped", will be identical)

The resulting clashes from our “colliding charges” are not therefore the result of a stubborn, bitter, hard-headedness or lack of forgiveness. Instead, they are a result of a healing from the schizophrenic compromises we have witnessed and become. It is our healing and internal unification that alienates us.
__________________________________________________________________

Often, we are told that as healed christians, we should be able to enter any situation and family relationship with kindness and grace to bring healing and hope. I do not think this is true. Sometimes, our refusal to morph into the role we have previously held is so alarming and offensive, others cling all the tighter to each other and we are abandoned. We then are confronted with a choice. Do we wish to continue to repeatedly change around the whims of another? Or, do we wish to remain as a bold irritant constantly disrupting the solution? Or, are the bonds so tight that their is forced separation?

Again, before the Lord we must ask if we are doing this from a place of healing or stubborn pain. We also must consider our role and calling.

Prayer -
Lord, we are lonely! How frustrating is our inability! We cannot free some trapped in addiction. We cannot bring stability and grace to abuse. We hope and love yet appear alone and outcasted. We want to change things so the good person we are at times and the compassion we long to bring can be acknowledged and received. Instead, we are shunned by those we long to relationally embrace and are misunderstood by many as “cop outs” or bitter. Would you heal us! Continue to make our banishment one of internal wholeness not external aggression. Increase our kindness despite the affrontive and/ or unresponsive way we aline with others. Give us wisdom how to proceed in these area of clear confrontation. Help us traverse these lonely roads with these baby skills we were raised without. Oh Lord, be companion and guide. Remind us who we are and whose we are.

Saul and Samuel

Though Saul asks for forgiveness, Samuel never sees Saul again. Is it our place to forgive a sin committed against the Lord? What is our role and responsibility? Are there attitudes Saul exhibited that shed any light?

Bible Reference - 1 Samuel 15

Story Recap - Saul was king of Israel and disobeyed the Lord. Samuel was a priest and confronted Saul with God’s disapproval telling him God rejected him as king. Saul pleads for Samuel’s forgiveness and asks Samuel to accompany him. At first Samuel refuses but eventually concedes. After that, “until the day Samuel died, he did not go to see Saul again, though Samuel mourned for him” (15:35)

Reflection -
Saul states, “I have sinned. But please honor me...” (15:30). Sometimes in relational rifts, the offender appears to pursue. I think an important question to ask is, “Why?” What is the motive behind their plea? To whom is the request due?

In this story, several indicators accuse Saul. In verse 13, he greets Samuel cheerfully and innocently... actually... he greets proudly defensive. “I have carried out the Lord’s instructions.” He then explains Samuel’s observation instead of repenting. He did this once (vs 19). He did this twice (vs 17). He even did it a bit in his third and final speech (vs. 24).

He finally then admits to generalized “sin” and asks Samuel to forgive a sin against God. He asks Samuel to validate him before the people by accompanying him. His actions point to an apology to keep people (ie. Samuel) from anger or public reproach not to humbly own his wrong deed and repent before the Lord. Even his desire to be with Samuel was for public appearance... as was his desire to go worship. His request was primarily one of “honor and amends” and not integrity and humble repentance.

It’s interesting to see Samuel’s response. He doesn’t publicly shame Saul. He does go with him. But, he does not see him again. His desire was not to shame but also to not continue validating.

I find it interesting also that Samuel does not forgive Saul for his offense against God. I do not think this is arrogance but humility. The offense was not against Samuel so it was not one he could forgive. The offense and the forgiveness of it was between Saul and the Lord.

Samuel is grieved. Consequences should grieve us if we are soft. We grieve the unrepentance of another. We grieve the loss of relationship for ourselves. As we grow in forgiveness, we at times grow in mourning as the bitterness is slowly converted to a dull sorrow... one that God can meet and mend.

Prayer -
Lord, only you know the hearts of men. You even know our own far better than we do. Help us to be discerning without being condemning! Protect us from ourselves! Convict us specifically of sins we need to confess and repent. Free us from Satan’s condemnation that shames us in generalities. This is not from you. Keep us from arrogantly coming to you in “God speech” to present you with our lofty knowledge of spiritual truths instead of the specific ways you meet us in them. Forgive me for _______________ when I ______________. Help me to be primarily grieved that my arrogance to act as I want hurts You and my ability to rest with you, my ultimate source of peace and joy. Let other’s understanding and approval be always secondary to yours so that regardless of their presence, I can rest.

David and Michal

Relational consequences existed even in Biblical marriages ... even with the “man after God’s own heart.” How interesting that David’s role in this rift is inconclusive.

Bible Reference - 2 Samuel 6:16-23 and 1Chronicles 15:29

Story Recap -- The Israelites were finally bringing the ark back to Jerusalem. King David was so happy he danced before the Lord with the community. His wife, Michal, was watching from her window and was upset. When David returned home, Michal went out to meet him and shamed him for his public actions. David defended his actions. “And Michal, daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death” (6:23)

Reflection -
Here’s the big question here... WHY did Michal have no children? Did God vindicate David and leave her barren? Did David cease having sexual intercourse with her?

Either way, one conclusion is that there was a relational consequence to her actions. God imposed alone or “assisted by David”, their relationship did not grow further. If it was God alone, it still confirms the fact that there are inevitable, God-allowed consequences to abusive behavior... relational limitations.

My guess... I’m prone to think David’s relationship with her changed. I think, as I’ve said before, this is not directly stated because of the inappropriate generalization of this principle. This is not the typical-loving husband response to marital strife. But, God is not “cut-and-dry”. He exists multidimensional.

Why my guess, you wonder? It’s interesting it seems as though every other time women did not have children, the reason is give:

• Sarai was barren. (Gen 11:30, Heb 11:11)
• Rebekah was barren. (Gen 25:210
• Rachel was barren. (Gen 29:31)
• Wife of Zorah was barren - Samson’s mother (Judges 13:2)
• The Lord had closed Hannah’s womb - Samuel’s mother (1 Samuel 1:6)
• Elizabeth was barren - John the Baptist’s mother (Luke 1:7)
  

It’s also interesting to note that in each case above, and in the additional stories below, God provides a child to the childless.

• Lot’s daughters (Gen 19)
• Judah’s daughter-in-law (Gen 38)

This seems to be the only story about a woman who had no children with no reason and with no resolve. The fact that it leaves the possibility that the consequences involved David is extremely significant. It gives some credence to the fact that though they involved David, they were not a result of David’s speech but of God’s outcome for the situation... an unchanging outcome. It involved David but was God’s intention.

Relational rifts occur. At times, the damage is irrevocable. The resulting separation is not because “we are exacting justice” or acting like “judge, jury, and executioner”. It is simply the outcome to a person’s poor choices... not reflected on us but them. All this, God has allowed.

An interesting note is that this rift too was a result of mockery. (I plan to write more about this later.)

Prayer -
Lord, help us not to be judge, jury, and executioner. At the same time, help us to not live in shame and self-reproach when relationships are severed. Allow us to live fully before you. Allow us like David to say, “It was before the Lord, who chose me... “ that I responded the way I have. And, before the Lord, “I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes...” (6:21-22). Help us to live lives of sincerity before you so the mockery of others doesn’t shame us into silence nor the misunderstanding of others. Help us to bear this all for your name’s sake. We can even bear humiliation and alienation for the glory of your name. Increase this desire in our hearts so we can live blameless before you instead of bitter or emasculated before others.

Abraham and Hagar

Separations are not the norm and are therefore misunderstood by others. Even in the Bible, circumstances are unclear. God’s allowance of these separations can be disturbing. Can we rest in God’s approval alone? Can we rest in God’s care for another? Or, will we live lives of self-justification?

Bible Reference - Genesis 21

Story Recap - Abraham and Sarah are married and have no children. Sarah suggests Abraham have a child through Hagar. He does. Hagar mocks. Sarah tells Abraham to “get rid of her”. Abraham is worried, is reassured by God, and sends her away.

Reflection -
1) A HORRIBLE STORY
Certainly this would be a story you wouldn’t want to generalize or take out of context. That being said, it is really amazing that this story is in the Bible at all.

On the one hand, it is a horrible story!! A poor young woman is impregnated due to a lack of faith in God’s promise on the part of a man and his wife. Then, the young, single destitute woman is kicked out with no safety net and basically no hope in the society of the day. And worse, all this God both allowed and condoned.

I think this horrible “straw-man” version of the story is helpful as we consider the contexts we find ourselves in that lead to gross estrangements. A two-page summary (let alone a 2 paragraph summary of that) could never fully explain the nuances. Not only do we lack God’s infinite perspective, we lack the full human data and experience.

Just as in the Bible, God does not spend the book trying to justify and defend Abraham, we should rest in the fact that our stories are not going to be understood or fully justifiable in this lifetime. But, God knows.

If Sarah and Abraham had fully defended themselves, it probably would have convicted them all the more. I would guess that Sarah would become adamantly trying to explain the ill-treatment she had endured... thus reliving it... feeling the emotion of it... conveying the emotion of the the pain endured NOT a restful trust.

2) GOD’S PERMISSION
I wonder why God would have allowed this. In so many other places, this principle is condemned. It seems like the only words justifying this action is “Hagar... was mocking” (Gen 21:9). There seems to be something significant about mocking so I’m starting another page with thoughts about that.

3) GOD’S PLAN
I’m glad that Abraham was distressed. I think anytime a separation is involved, it should cause reflection and sorrow. This can help confirm we are doing it for the right reasons and not entering into the decision lightly or flippantly.

One reason for Abraham’s distress is because of the safety of his son... an innocent party that will be abandoned as well because of his position with regards to Hagar.

I love God’s reassurance to Abraham. Do not fear. Trust God’s plan. He has a separate plan for those alienated from you.

When we separate from difficult people, we often break relationships with those we love. We would love to retain these relationships with “innocent” people we love. But, no... the link they have remains secured to another and so is lost to us. We feel guilty, responsible, sad and possibly worried. But, God has a plan for them too. It is separate from us but not separate from God. Our grief needs to be limited to the fact that we will not be part and witness of God’s work for them NOT in the lack of hope for them.

Prayer -
Lord, allow us to be misunderstood. Allow us to be glad in that for separation only happens in extreme cases and if it were easily understood, it could wrongly be generalized. We don’t want this. Help us be satisfied and at peace with this. Keep us from living in the emotional justification of our abusive defense instead of in the freedom of moving forward in your story for us. Watch over those from whom we are severed. Keep them safe. Thank you that you promise us “hope and a future”. We pray that for them as well. Hold us together when we miss our dear ones -- who they are and who they will be. Keep us prayerful for them always.

Abraham and family of origin

Is our separation from family a result of pursuing God’s calling? Or, is our separation from family a bitter flight?

Bible Reference - Genesis 12 “The Lord had said to Abram, ‘Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you.’”

Story Recap - Abram lived in an area called Haran. God calls Abram to leave for Canaan. He leaves with his wife, nephew and their possessions.

Reflection -
Today’s timing and technology bring interesting circumstances to family relationships today. In Abram’s time, he is called and leaves. There is not the technology or mail system to allow for ongoing communication.

Who knows how Abram would have operated with the extended family he left in Haran if he had been able. It is worthy to note however that in his context, he did not. The Lord had him leave a living family to pursue a greater calling.

Many stand by missionaries as they physically leave family to pursue God’s calling in their life. Few stand by those who leave extended family “by choice” to pursue God’s calling in their life. It saddens me that instead of questions of conviction and clarification, people who love the Lord and are surrounded by abusers trying to thwart their calling (or very person) are left justifying their love of God and forgiveness of a past. Instead of clarifying and pursuing a calling of God and moving boldly ahead, they are justifying a calling and change in direction.

Of course, this principle could be taken out of context. We can’t always just “up an leave” family. As they did in the epistles, we need to be sure THEY aren’t our calling. Are they destitute? Do they have needs that we can offer (and they will take)? Have we received counsel? Are we truly pursuing God’s calling elsewhere or fleeing God’s calling like Jonah?

Prayer -
Lord, help us live in honesty with ourselves and others. Help us not to flee ministries we can provide to our family. Encourage us when the help we try to provide is not taken or fled from (ie. prodigal son). Give us a soft and open heart for you. Give us the passion and confidence to pursue the vision you have for us. Keep us from living our life justifying our calling rather than pursuing it. Keep us from anger at those who misunderstand the depth, gravity and sorrow of the situation. In fact, allow us to be grateful for those who question ... thankful for the righteous desire that we would not be self-deceived and that needy ones be neglected in a godly rouse. Keep us always humble and thoughtful ourselves.

Abraham and Lot

During family quarreling, what should be done? Most christians would propose sitting down and talking it through until resolution is made. But, Abraham and Lot are an interesting counter-example. They chose to separate but Abram’s love and self-sacrifice for Lot continued.

Bible Reference - Genesis 13:8-9

Story Recap - Abraham was Lot’s uncle. Both were established adults and wealthy. Because “the land could not support them while they stayed together”, their herdsmen began quarreling. Abraham and Lot agreed on land division and went their separate ways.

Reflection -
1) SEPARATION.
Today’s Christian society tends to push towards “working things out” and reestablishing community in relationships is the final goal of strife. Some may promote the need for boundaries but still argue that the best end of strife would be reinstatement.

How interesting to note that Abram actually proposes separation as an acceptable conflict resolution. “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me... Let’s part company.” (v8) He did not say, “We need to sit these quarreling people down and ‘hash it out’ until everyone can agree to compromises and start getting along.”

It seems like in life, there emerges situations that bring out conflict because of a variety of preexisting limitations. To force “compromises” results in frustration or starvation. Why can’t the church allow believers to graciously agree to separate versus fighting to share unsharable assets.

2) DEFERENCE
It’s interesting to note that although Abram suggested the separation, he did not seem to be doing it mean-spirited. He separated to his-own disadvantage. He allowed Lot to pick the choicest of paths.

I think an important question to ask when separating from a relationship is what we are willing to lose to separate. Are we trying to leave with every asset, relationship, pride and position? Are we trying to pry an apology? Or, can we, within our power, allow them to take a better position than us.

For example, if there is a rift in a family, am I willing to allow others to go whichever way they want. Am I willing to not ask people to chose sides? Is my goal and desire to see both sides thrive or for myself to be vindicated?

3) ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
God had blessed Abram right before this incident (Gen 12) but chooses to restate it just as Lot parts (Gen 13:14). It is almost as if he is confirming Abram’s decision. It’s as if God is saying, “The separation of you from some of your family in no way diminishes the promised blessings I have for you and your remaining family.” God was not angry. God did not withhold his blessing. God did not push Abram to restore the family community that had previously existed.

4) HELP
Often when separation occurs, we are so hurt or angry that we “put a period” on that relationship and close the door forever. Not Abram. The very next chapter in the Bible (Gen 14) when Lot is in trouble, Abram rescues at personal cost.

When we are estranged from others, is our heart towards them soft? Are we willing to help them should they ask or if they don’t ask but there is a need that we could help? Do we “hope to be proved right” in this life or are continually ready to assist?

5) PRAYER
It is interesting to note that one of the only pleas for God’s mercy in the Bible was Abraham praying for Lot in Genesis 18. They had separated due to quarreling. Lot had been selfish. Lot continued to remain in area that was clearly dangerous and immoral. But, Abraham still cares and pleads with God for his safety.

I like how Abraham personally goes to rescue Lot at one time but also chooses not to another time. Clearly his choice to not personally go has nothing to do with his love or concern for Lot for Abraham bravely pushes the Lord to save Lot.

One interesting speculation would be to imagine Abraham’s (and Lot’s) end if Abraham were to have gone. When the angels went, Lot’s associates tried to harm them. Instead, they almost destroyed Lot and broke down his house until the angels miraculously intervened to protect them that night (Gen 19). Abraham could not have done this.

We need to be ready to enter where possible. We also need to be willing to watch, wait and trust the Lord... pleading with the Lord for our estranged family’s protection.

Prayer -
Lord, give us wisdom. Help us to know when to compromise and when to separate... when to run to rescue and when to pray as consequences ensue. Help us to trust you with others. Help us to allow others to take more than their share or position when they leave. Allow us to even give our pride. Keep us compassionate and kind. Keep us hoping. Save our loved ones. Keep them safe... even if there is only one in the lot who loves you.

God sees our enemies

God acknowledges the fact that his loved ones have enemies. Rather than simply push them to action-steps, he grieves with them.

Bible Reference - Psalm 69:19 “You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed; all my enemies are before you.”

Reflection -
I love how the first time someone called God by a name was Hagar when she was alone and distressed. And, the prayer she said was, ‘You are the God who sees me ... I have now seen the One who sees me’” (Genesis 16:13).

When we have enemies mock, shame, scorn, disgrace or hurt us, God sees this. He sees the wound. He sees the sword that caused the wound. And, he calls the situation for what it is ... people acting as enemies.

God labels antagonists. They stand before him. They stand under his authority and in His presence as He comes to save us (69:35).

Prayer -
Lord, “I am in pain and distress; may your salvation, O God, protect me” (v 29). “The Lord hears the needy and does not despise his captive people. Let heaven and earth praise him, the seas and all that move in the for God will save Zion and rebuild the cities of Judah. Then people will settle there and possess it; the children of his servants will inherit it; and those who love his name will dwell there” (v 33-36). Praise you for taking care of our salvation. Thank you for our eternal salvation. Thank you also for saving us from the bitter battles of now. Thank you for being able to save us in ways to rebuild us. Thank you for rebuilding us for our children. Thank you for “rebuild[ing] the ancient ruins and restor[ing] the places long devastated ... devastated for generations” (Isaiah 61:4). Open our eyes to see the amazing restoration you are doing for us and our children instead of the temporary moments of “salvation-needing.” Thank you for working in areas that have been a stronghold in our families. Help us break free for your sake. Bless our children by this instead of the burden they carry seeing us wrestle during this rebuilding time. Help us trust you more.

God still has enemies

Not only did God himself HAVE (past-tense) enemies, He still does.

Bible Reference - 1 Cor 15:25, Hebrews 10:13

1 Corinthians 15:25 “For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet.”

Hebrews 10:13 “Since that time he waits for his enemies to become his footstool...”

Reflection -
To state again, God has enemies. Some were reconciled to Him by the death of Jesus (Rom 5:10) and are no longer enemies. However, some remained enemies.

It should encourage us to remember that other’s hatred or animosity towards us is not necessarily unavoidable or preventable. Even self-sacrifice does not necessitate resolution. Some relationships are for the Lord to resolve in heaven.

Prayer -
Lord, you are perfect so we are assured your enemies are wrong and will stand judgement. Human relationships are so difficult. Many times, people have become our enemies because we have not acted perfectly. Help us to be wise in areas we need to pursue and sacrifice. Help us to lovingly extend boundaries as well. Should our relationships not resolve on this earth, we pray you would work on our enemies through other means. We pray that we will the members in these broken relationships in heaven even if our relationship with them remains unresolved. Convict our enemies of their sinful part. Bring them to yourself. Convict us of areas too. Help us to trust your eternal plan for us both and await resolution.

We were once enemies of God

The existence of “enemies” does not necessitate the existence of sin or unforgiveness in both parties. God himself had enemies.

Bible Reference - Romans 5:10a “... when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son...”

Reflection -
God had/ has enemies... a pretty radical thought. Does this mean he is angry? No. Does this mean He is wrong? No. Bitterly withholding forgiveness? No. Vindictive? No. God had enemies because OTHERS had harmful and antagonistic feelings and actions towards him.

The status of enemy is not necessarily a result of an adversarial position on two sides. If we have a relationship severed with another person and have been unable to resolve this, this should bring hope and peace. We are not ultimately responsible for their responses.

It is important to remember what God did when we were His enemies. He pursued reconciliation. And, his cost of pursuing reconciliation was personal and painful. His Son died.

So here is where we must be prayerfully humble and thoughtful. Yes, I am not ultimately responsible for another person’s reconciliation to me. But, have I pursued reconciliation? Did I pursue it self-sacrificially?

Prayer -
Lord, thank you that we are only responsible for our actions and not other’s responses. At the same time, give us wisdom. help us not to use this as an excuse to be cavalier in our actions. Help us know when and how to be confrontative for your name’s sake.
Help us know when and how to “lose” self-sacrificially. Help us with the pain that results from personal loss for the sake of reconciliation. Help us especially when those losses still do not achieve peace. Rather than hurting for the resulting “double-loss”, remind us of your much greater loss. Remind us that you “endured the cross, scorning its shame” because of “the joy set before” you (Heb 12). We are your joy. Our reconciliation to you brought you to the depths of pain and shame. In your greatness and despite our indifference, you paid so much more than we have ... so much more than we can imagine. You understand the pain of self-sacrifice. And more, you stand by us demonstrating our value and worth. Regardless of the outcome, our self-sacrifice helps us to understand the level of love you have for us. Help our pain open our eyes all the more to understand the infinite depth of your love for us.

Pray for your enemies

God does not address the existence of enemies but of the status of our hearts towards them.While we cannot always control our status (being unable to control another person’s hostility), we can control, by God’s grace, the motives from which we respond.

Bible Reference - Matthew 5:43-44 “You have heard that it was said ‘ Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (and Luke 6)

Reflection -
Jesus was talking during a time where the going philosophy was justice. Be kind to others but bitterness was fine. Anger and hatred towards oppressors was fine. Retribution was encouraged.

I love how Jesus clarifies this feeling. Notice how he does not say, “Folks, bury the pain and deny the injustice. Incorporate the evil-doers. Do not have enemies.” He does not deny the existence of enemies. He does not commission the removal of enemies (by offense as had been done when possible) or by kindly “burying the hatchet” and doing all in our power to change our enemy into a friend. Instead, he merely clarifies our duty and feelings toward them.

The position of “enemy” is not something we can change. We are not responsible for the relational outcome of a situation. We ARE however responsible before the Lord to our actions and behaviors in a relationship. We cannot control how people will respond. We can control our underlying motives and our position towards them under the Lord.

We cannot relationally operate from motives of hate. Webster defines hate as: to have a strong aversion to: find very distasteful: to express or feel extreme enmity or active hostility” ... “often coupled with enmity or malice”

Instead Jesus commands us to relationally operate from motives of love. Webster defines love as: “an affectionate concern for the well-being of others”.

This is difficult and nearly impossible at times. I think this is why Jesus commands us to do this in prayer. In praying for our enemies, we can regain (or learn) the perspective that God is in control. He will ultimately bring justice. We can rest in whatever our role is with our enemy trusting that the Lord will protect us and comfort us from their abuse.

We also need to be sure keep our relationship before the Lord to keep ourselves accountable. As we pray for our enemies before the Lord, he can help point ways we are sinful... keeping us from pride.

In prayer, conviction of human weakness and vulnerability may lead to an understanding and compassion for the enemy... helping to soften us and enabling us to love better and easier... not simply faking kindness. We won’t be arrogant claiming our own perfection in our own strength. It is important to realize our standing before God is by grace alone so it is with sadness we consider the state of our enemy.

This conviction may lead us to a realization that we have been perpetrators... creating or intensifying the relational rift. In prayer, the Lord can convict us of inappropriate ways we have responded to our enemies and give us the wisdom in how and what to change.

Also, in prayer we meet with the father of compassion... our wonderful counselor (Isaiah 9:6). He can supernaturally ease the pain and exacerbation of our inability to rectify all relationships on this earth. He can see the belief we have and help us with our lack of trust (Mark 9:24) in his choice to allow a rift or wrong.

Questions -
“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” You will have enemies. Can you love them... looking out for their welfare? Can you live towards them openly communicating your actions and hurt before the Lord?

Prayer -
Lord, point out sinful actions on our part. Give us eyes to see them as more than “an object of pain” but as a 3-dimensional people with hurts and pasts and perspective of which we are not privy. Help us achieve reconciliation if possible but give us peace where their responses make that an impossibility. Guide us in boundaries and consequences that we have to impose... that they would be humbly done for both our benefits before you... not as vindictive judgements we are exacting for our own joy or relief. Keep us ever mindful that without your grace and hedge around us, we would be desperately lost and utterly hopeless and no better than our worst enemy. Help us live in thankful gratitude. Thank you Jesus that you have helped us this far. Continue to help and heal us!

Responses to enemies

God does not require us to “do whatever it takes” to convert enemies into friends. This should encourage us and validate our sadness in the boundaries we keep that retain them. He does give us guidelines regarding our heart and our motives

Bible Reference - Luke 6:27-36

Reflection -
I was sitting and praying one day... asking God the question, “How am I to forgive someone for a wrong they continue to do?” It was in that prayer time that God impressed upon me the term “enemy”.

Forgiveness for wrongs done looks differently than our behavior towards a person who chooses to be an enemy. I decided that more research and data needs to be published because there is an emotional aspect to an enemy that is significantly different than to a person who has wronged us in the past.

Is that emotional aspect unavoidable? Is hurt and frustration allowed for this ongoing hurt? I am so grateful for God’s instruction on ways to treat enemies...

v 27 “Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you.” Consider the following definitions from Dictionary.com

• love: “affectionate concern for the well-being of others ... benevolent affection.”
• benevolent: “desiring to help others; charitable ... intended for benefits rather than profit.”
  

• hate: “to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward”
• passionately: “having, compelled by, or ruled by intense emotion or strong feeling.”
• hostility: “... antagonism ... unfriendliness ... resistance...”
  

Again, it seems God does not address the EXISTENCE of our enemy but rather their effect on us. Even with those continuing to harm us, we are to act in consideration of their well-being. This care may cause us to create boundaries. We need to be sure we are not simply making boundaries for self-preservation or bitter resolve but in care for both us and them. God does not want us live life “compelled by, or ruled by” those who seek to do us harm but by His power.

“Bless those who cures you, pray for those who mistreat you.” Dictionary.com defines bless as “to request of God the bestowal of divine favor on .. to protect or guard from evil”. I believe there is no greater example than Jesus on the cross. Even while currently enduring the abuse, he asks for the Lord to grant them pardon. He continues to pray for their change ... their good. Can we rest so assured of our validation before the Lord, we do not need to ask him to validate us further through our enemy's destruction!?! Can we continue to hope and pray for their good.

“If someone strikes you on one cheek ... takes your cloak... Give to everyone who asks you... do not demand it back.” Human nature craves resolution. To those wounded, we don’t simply want relationships resolved but situations. We cannot live this way ... longing for past situations to be changed. The need to stop scrounging to regain lost pride, belongings, etc. There is a place for asking it back but at times, with our enemies, these things cannot be retrieved without harsh demands and rearranging our lives in bitter self-validation. This is not what God wants for us.

“Lend to them without expecting to get anything back.” We need to live postured to allow hurts unacknowledged but also still willing to aid without acknowledgement. We need to be able to settle our hearts so deeply in God’s approval of us and His eventual righting of all harm, that we can, not only delay vindication, but be will willing to allow more losses if God calls.

“He is kind to the ungrateful.” Our benevolent helps for others needs to flow from the one who gave it to us. He have it to us when we were unworthy. Our kindness flows from our internal source of kindness, Jesus Christ, not the object, an external person.

Prayer -
Lord, Thank you that you gave generously to us. Help us receive all of who you are so we can be willing to give generously to others who can be so cruel. In relationships where strong boundaries are most caring for both sides (to prevent abuse but also to prevent someone to continue abusing), allow our hearts to generously long for their restoration with you. In relationships that are still engaged, give us wisdom to navigate in kind, self-sacrificial yet safe care. Guide us in boundaries knowing that to allow some to continue to wound is not good for them. Help us to recognize areas we are making difficult choices for your glory and their (and our) good and when we are merely fighting for vindication. Help us in areas where our pride has been hurt. Help us endure emotional and physical losses we have sustained. We cannot regain what we lost. Yet, like with Job, You bring miraculous restoration. You restore “the years the locusts have eaten” (Joel 2:25). The restoration You bring is so much greater than the repayment we could conjure. Help us to pursue with You, the restoration you long for rather than selfishly living a vendetta.